Ellie drained the last dregs of her third filter coffee in half an hour. She’d spent the entire time staring out of the café’s rain-slick window, chewing on her lip instead of the gum she kept in her purse.

She hadn’t been stood up, rather, she’d arrived far too early. The anxiety squirming in her gut hadn’t allowed her to show up on time. From the moment she woke up that morning, the entire day had been lost to this singular meeting in some roadside café on the outskirts of town.

Heated words had been exchanged between Ellie and her friends in the days leading up to the meet. They’d tried to tell her it was a mistake, that it was a bad idea for her to be in the same room as Charlotte again, and an even worse idea to be the one arranging it in the first place. It was tough love, she supposed, and it wasn’t lost on Ellie that it was born from genuine concern, but she hadn’t budged. She couldn’t.

The way she’d ended things with Charlotte wasn’t sufficient. Like a splinter, she’d been lingering in Ellie’s psyche ever since, seeping the vibrancy from the life she was supposed to be living for herself, such that the only remaining colour was in Ellie’s memories of her. There were too many things left unsaid, too many ends left loose. She was trapped in limbo, too lost in the past to engage in the present. Perhaps that was simply how it was when a truly intense relationship ended. She didn’t really have any basis for comparison.

Cutting contact with her ex-girlfriend—that’s how they’d encouraged her to start thinking of Charlotte—had already been a monumental task. Did her friends really think so little of her, that she’d simply leap into Charlotte’s arms the moment she laid eyes on her again? In the end, Ellie had compromised and agreed to go along with Clara’s plan. It was tried and true; half an hour into the meeting, she’d send Ellie a text, and that’d be her life raft out of a bad situation, if she needed it.

But all she needed was closure. One more meeting. Just one. She’d played it through in her head plenty of times in the preceding days; they’d talk, and she’d be cordial, and Charlotte might try to win her back, but Ellie would stick to her boundaries. Then, they’d go their separate ways, and that’d be that.

Red string, severed.

Ellie’s gut lurched at the sound of the café door chiming. Her courage to look at who entered was rewarded with a sour mix of relief and disappointment when she saw the most average-looking man imaginable.

The minutes ticked by.

Despite the certainty that had carried this far, she’d been teetering on the edge of losing her nerve the entire time. There was a part of her that worried this was all a ruse, and that Charlotte might stand her up as punishment for running away. Each time those doubts played on her mind, though, each time she considered the prospect of leaving, she was chilled down to the soul in a way the rain couldn’t dream of.

The old off-white clock on the wall ticked over to one at the same time as the door chime sounded again.

This time, it was her. It was Charlotte. She stepped in from the rain and stood in the entrance, taking the time to turn around and shake off her umbrella, all without ever looking in Ellie’s direction.

Even on a day like this, she somehow looked immaculate. Charlotte was disarming in the way the sun was bright and life-giving but being exposed to it for too long could poison you. She was the perfect picture of a girl, the girl-next-door, the girly girl; she always smelled so good, like a mixture of flowers people didn’t know how to identify other than that it was what girls like her smelled like. Her hair, voluminous strands of carnelian that glowed under the café’s warm light. Her natural makeup, never too much or too little.

This was the first time she’d laid eyes on Charlotte in the flesh since their last conversation. Ellie remembered it clearly; it’d been a morning like any other, save for Ellie’s friends laying in wait a few streets away ready to extract her. Charlotte hadn’t known what was coming when she left for work.

Ellie had, on multiple occasions since then, imagined Charlotte going about her day, blissfully unaware of what was happening behind her back, and how she might’ve felt when she returned to an empty home later that evening. An untamed instinct rose unbidden within Ellie, urging her to fall to her knees and beg forgiveness, but she set her jaw and steeled herself against it, no matter how much it pained her to do so.

That sort of feeling was going to have to become a thing of the past.

Charlotte approached the table, heels clacking against the floor, and set her umbrella down against the window. It was only when she’d seated herself that Charlotte finally looked at Ellie and smiled.

“It’s good to see you, El.”

Oh, fuck, her name on her lips. “Hey,” she paused, dodging the instinct to use her title, “Charlotte. Thanks for coming.”

“Didn’t keep you waiting too long, did I?”

“No, actually, I think you’re right on time.” Nervous laughter. “I got here early.”

Charlotte steepled her fingers under her chin and tilted her head just slightly askew, facing Ellie with her whole, entire self. There was the sun, and then there was the girl who sat with her, the shadow given form by Charlotte’s light. After spending months without her attention, Ellie suddenly felt like a bug under a magnifying glass. As it turned out, spending the past few months imagining their meeting may not have prepared her for the real thing. They were finally in that very same moment she’d spent so many long evenings conjuring in her head. Why was she drawing blanks on what to say?

“So, how’ve you been?” Charlotte took the initiative to ask.

Ellie tried not to sigh in relief. Having a conversation like this, as equals, was unfamiliar. “I’ve been… fine, I guess,” she lied. “I’ve been staying with Clara.”

Charlotte’s disdain for Clara didn’t show on her face. “I’m surprised they let you show up today,” Charlotte said with a mirthless chuckle. “Aren’t they scared I’m going to snatch you away?”

“Well, no, they weren’t happy about it, but it’s my life. Besides, you’re not going to… I mean, you can’t do that here.” What began as a statement soon crumbled into a question. “Right?”

Charlotte clicked her tongue. “Even if you wanted me to, we’re in public, El.”

“That’s not what I… meant.”

That was so Charlotte. Twisting words, twisting thoughts, twisting Ellie’s stomach into knots. All Ellie needed to know had been confirmed, anyway. Charlotte was powerless here. There were too many people around. It was too noisy, here on the roadside, with the rain.

An uncomfortable quiet settled over the table again, but this time, Charlotte didn’t rescue them from it.

Ellie blurted out the first inane words that came to mind. “Anyway, how about you? How have you been?”

Charlotte offered an easy shrug. “Oh, I’ve been fine. I mean, as fine as a person can be after getting ditched without warning.”

Ellie winced. That was quick. Grasping in the dark for something remotely resembling an appropriate response, she found herself coming up short. She was only saved by the timely appearance of the waitress approaching the table to take Ellie’s empty mug away.

“What can I get for you, love?” she asked Charlotte.

“I’ll have a cup of tea and,” she glanced quickly at the menu, before returning her attention to Ellie, “a croissant.”

Ellie shifted in her seat. When the silence dragged on a moment longer than seemed socially acceptable, Ellie realised that it wasn’t just Charlotte staring at her, but the waitress too.

“Oh—me? I—”

“Have you eaten, Ellie?”

Ellie shook her head. “No, I’m not really—”

“Well, that’s no good, is it?” Charlotte shot the waitress a smile. “Honestly, this girl. Make that a cup of tea and two croissants, then… oh, and a glass of water. Thank you.”

A shiver tore through Ellie and left electric in its wake. Fuck. That was inappropriate, wasn’t it? They were supposed to be broken up, but Charlotte had ordered for her anyway and Ellie had displayed only the most paper-thin resistance to it. She should’ve asserted herself, she should’ve said, no, Charlotte, I’m not hungry, I won’t have a croissant.

Instead, she placidly accepted the situation with a nod to the waitress, and then they were alone again.

This wasn’t going well. Charlotte’s undivided attention was making it difficult to gather herself. One of the most basic human acts of asserting herself as an individual was made ten times more difficult just for being in her presence. Where was that confidence she’d walked in here with, that she’d used to assure Clara and the others that this was the right thing to do? God, what had she even expected out of this? Something about ‘closure’?

Everything had made so much sense until Charlotte walked through the door, and now it felt like she’d just sleepwalked into the situation.

“Ellie?”

Ellie blinked and licked her dry lips. “Mm?”

A sigh. “Look, I won’t lie. I’m pissed off with you. I almost didn’t agree to meet up, but now I’m glad I did, if only because you still don’t seem to be able to take care of yourself.”

“That’s not true,” Ellie insisted. “I eat. I eat, okay? I was just nervous this morning.”

Oh, no. Was it bad to admit that she’d been nervous? Her time with Charlotte had utterly disintegrated the filter that existed between Ellie’s thoughts and her speech, just as Charlotte had wanted it. Months apart hadn’t done much to restore it, so the words just slipped right out.

“I’m glad you came,” Ellie continued when Charlotte said nothing.

Charlotte scoffed. “Why? You’re confusing me, El. You left so suddenly, took your things, blocked me everywhere, and now you’re inviting me out for brunch and telling me you’re happy to see me? How is this fair?”

Stick to your guns, Ellie. Stick to your guns.

What were her guns, again? If anything, she was the one in the firing line. Charlotte’s words wrapped around her heart and yanked it down into her stomach. Even when Charlotte was angry with her, Charlotte was angry with her.

“Look, I-I’m sorry, I’ve just been feeling kind of like we left things unsaid, and maybe like I needed some… closure?” Each word felt less convincing than the last.

“Ellie, it was you who left me. You’ve got some nerve to complain about having no closure.” With a sigh, she leaned back into her seat and crossed her arms, bracelets jingling pleasantly. “So unless you have something else to say, I think this is gonna be a pretty short brunch.”

The implication that Charlotte might disappear from her life again so quickly made ice trickle down Ellie’s back. She had to do something. She had to say something. There was a sentence—a truth—trying to climb up and out of Ellie’s throat, but she pushed it back down.

“I just wanted to clear the air.”

“No.” It was a statement. “We already established that. I believe you, but that isn’t the whole truth.”

It was happening again. Charlotte was doing what she did best, systematically unveiling all the layers of obfuscation necessary to get Ellie to admit to things that she hadn’t even known were true herself. She had done this often in the past; she had made Ellie aware of her own needs, like making someone aware of their need to breathe for the very first time.

Once again, Ellie swallowed the admission crawling up her throat. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“You do,” Charlotte said. “So let’s start over. This time, be honest, and don’t lie to my face. No need for keeping up appearances between the two of us, right, El? We’re not exactly strangers, are we?”

No, they were definitely not strangers. If Ellie were a stranger to Charlotte she wouldn’t be intimately familiar with the view from her feet or the sensation of Charlotte’s chunkiest platform boots against her cunt.

“So, I’ll ask again.” Charlotte’s voice was featherlight. “How have you been?”

Ellie’s mouth was dry. She really hoped she could take a sip of that water when it arrived. “I guess… I haven’t felt very good.”

Charlotte nodded, and the words just kept tumbling out.

“Things haven’t been great. Since, I mean… y’know. I tried to pick up a job at a grocery store, but it’s been tough, um—I didn’t get along with the people who worked there, and the other day I… well, they let me go.”

Why was she admitting all this?

“Oh no,” Charlotte said. “How come?”

Ellie hadn’t admitted the truth of this even to Clara, but Charlotte used two simple words to pull it from her anyway. She couldn’t keep secrets from the woman who had torn open her soul. It was as inevitable as matter being sucked into a black hole.

“They didn’t say. I was still on probation. Something about not being a good fit for the work culture, maybe? I heard one of the others say it was because I wasn’t present enough, and my boss asked me if I was a loner on my third day, so… yeah.”

Charlotte’s hand snaked forward on the table, but Ellie only looked down at it. It barely even occurred to her that she might be able to take it.

“I’m sorry, El. That sounds tough,” Charlotte said. “How about your personal life?”

Ellie closed her eyes and swallowed hard. Charlotte wielded her tool with such precision. She had to admire it, even as her guts spilled out over the table. It resounded in her mind, that assurance to herself, to her friends; this shouldn’t be happening, she knew that, she was supposed to put up more of a fight than this.

And yet.

“Uh, it’s the same. Clara and the others’ve been trying to get me involved in stuff. They took me out to a bar last week and I… well, it just felt like something was,” she took a shuddering breath, “missing.”

“Oh?” Charlotte smiled softly. “And what’s that?”

You.

You, you, you. Everything sucks. Trying to be a functional, well-adjusted adult sucks. I need to feel what it’s like to not have to think for myself again. Just one more time.

Ellie looked aghast as the dam broke and the truth flooded her thoughts, threatening to finally coalesce on her tongue. There was a painful tightness in her chest that seemed like it might never go away unless she said exactly what she was thinking, and she said it right now, in this one moment where she had the chance.

But she couldn’t. She just couldn’t, could she? They’d drilled it into her head that this way of thinking was unhealthy. She was supposed to be independent now, and that was apparently supposed to be a good thing that she should enjoy and strive towards. And, sure, maybe she would’ve agreed with that, once upon a time. That’s what normal people think. When she looks around at the sepia world she’s been drifting through, she saw huge swathes of people who didn’t need the sweet oblivion of hypnosis to make it through life.

She saw people who placed the virtues of freedom and agency on a pedestal above all else. So, clearly, as Clara and the others kept trying to impress upon her, she shouldn’t crave it so much, and she shouldn’t have met with Charlotte again. But they just didn’t get it. Nobody did. How could they possibly? They hadn’t been under Charlotte’s spell. They didn’t know what it was like to itch in the way Charlotte’s absence made her itch.

Ellie sucked in the air to say something, but the arrival of the waitress interrupted her, so instead, she lowered her eyes and watched the table become populated with the contents of the tray.

“Cup of tea, two croissants, and a glass of water,” the waitress said. “Enjoy.”

Charlotte reached for her drink, blew on it a few times, and took a long sip. She seemed comfortable to stew in the silence. Of course she did. Deities didn’t concern themselves with such trivial things as awkward silences.

She’s not a deity, Ellie heard Clara’s voice remind her. She’s just a person, like you and I.

Speak for yourself, Clara.

“I… Well, I… I’ve been spending a lot of time remembering how it felt to… I mean…” Ellie’s voice became smaller than it already was. “It’s… your hypnosis… I guess.”

“Gosh, so eloquent,” Charlotte joked. “So, just to summarise your own words, since you can barely use them, you want me to—”

“N-No, I don’t want it.”

“Want what?”

“Hypnosis.”

“Oh, okay, so you’re saying you don’t want me to hypnotise you?”

“What? No!” The very notion of it struck Ellie like a punch to the jaw.

“Huh? So you do want me to hypnotise you?”

“No, I—You’re confusing me!”

Charlotte blanched. “You’re confused? I’m the one getting mixed signals here, El.”

A small growl escaped Ellie. “No, just… I-I meant that I don’t want it, like, I know it’s… not necessarily good for me, but it doesn’t change the way I feel about it. It doesn’t change that I…” she trailed off into a huff, squirming in her seat.

“Keep using your words, El, c’mon,“ Charlotte cooed mockingly. “You’re so close.”

She wrenched her eyes shut. “… Need it.”

Silence.

“I-I didn’t come here for it to actually happen, though,” Ellie clarified urgently, frustration simmering. “It can’t—Shouldn’t? We’re done. I mean… It can’t happen anymore.”

Charlotte rolled her eyes. “If self-deception were a sport…”

“Charlotte!”

Ellie hated that she felt less offended and more sick with worry that she’d disappointed the woman who sat before her. Or did she love that? Hate, love... Charlotte's influence seemed to have tangled the two concepts.

“Okay, stop,” Charlotte said, planting her hands on the table. “Let’s take a beat to calm down. We’ve got an audience.”

Ellie glanced over to the counter just in time to catch the older woman looking away, a fresh wave of shame washing over her. Shit, I… Was I being loud?”

She’d walked in full of so much confidence. She’d been so certain. Maybe she’d never really regained any of herself at all. Maybe she really was just weak. Tears stung at the corner of her eyes as she stared at the croissant in front of her. She wasn’t hungry. How could she eat when she felt ill with anxiety?

She pursed her lips to stop the whine from tumbling out.

Her breathing quickened.

She felt sad, and muddled, and confused, and every train of thought traveled through storm clouds and down into a canyon.

“El,” Charlotte said. This time, her tone wasn’t soft at all. It was iron.

“Mm.”

“You’re panicking.”

“Mm.”

“Breathe in.”

Ellie drew in a shaky breath through her sobs, eyes rising to meet Charlotte’s. Even if it was just a temporary shelter, one she shouldn’t be using, it was familiar. She needed to get lost in those pools of honey, just for a moment. Just one last time. She could work on fixing herself later.

“Now breathe out,” Charlotte said, what Ellie knew as being five seconds later. “Good. Again. Breathe in.”

The exercise continued, and a soporific wave fell over Ellie, her roiling thoughts slowing again, tamed by Charlotte’s voice. It felt good to just hang onto someone else’s word and do as she was told. She didn’t have to regulate herself if Charlotte was there to do it for her. She really needed this, even if it did represent a backslide—hell, a backslide from what? She’d barely made any progress. It didn’t even feel bad to recognise that. It was just the truth. She hadn’t. Maybe that job she failed at would’ve been easier if her boss had spoken to her like this.

Ellie sniffled, her breathing steady again. “Sorry. Thank you.”

“Oh, Ellie…” Charlotte’s smile was pitying. “What’re we gonna do with you, huh?”

Seconds of silence turned into minutes, the pitter-patter of the rain against the window their only companion aside from the distant sounds of the kitchen. The front of the café was empty save for the two of them.

“The rain’s nice, isn’t it?”

Ellie picked at her croissant. “Mhm.”

“You always liked the rain. What was it you said? That rainfall sounded like static, but if you listened carefully, you could make out a pattern in the noise?”

Yes, Ellie had said that—and she could. The rain was coming down steadily, but beneath the noise hid a rhythmic drip coming from a nearby drain pipe.

“You were always the only one happy about a rainy day. Drip, drip, drip,” Charlotte whispered in a way that made Ellie’s shoulders tingle. “It’s relaxing, isn’t it?”

“Mhm,” Ellie mumbled.

“Drip, drip, drip,” Charlotte hummed. “Drip, drip, drip.”

All the awful feelings began to recede as she focused on the sound of Charlotte’s voice, the distant clatter of the kitchen, and the rain.

Drip, drip, drip.

“Keep breathing for me, El. In… and out.”

Ellie nodded slowly, eyes drooping. It was so easy to relax.

Drip, drip, drip.

The cold and the grey were out there, and she was in here with Charlotte. They were warm and cosy. It felt great to relax. She hadn’t felt this blissful and weightless since…

Oh.

“Mmn… you’re… doing it to me…” Ellie mumbled sleepily.

“I’m just talking, El,” Charlotte lilted, her voice so soft. “Just talking about the calm, relaxing things all around us. It’s good to listen to the rain and let it float you away, so weightless, so easy…”

“Nnn…”

A quiet whisper at the back of her mind told her that she should be upset about this, maybe even feel panicked, but she was weightless, and she was floating away, and she couldn’t hear that whisper anymore.

Drip, drip, drip.

“It feels good to be here, with me, doesn’t it?” Charlotte’s words had become indistinguishable from Ellie’s own thoughts. She couldn’t even hear the rain anymore.

“Yeah…”

“With me, you don’t have to pretend anymore, Ellie. It’s so easy, so relaxing, so simple… no hard thoughts.”

“No hard… thoughts…”

“So, that makes you so, so ready for me.”

It did. It made her so ready.

“To drop.”

To drop.

All her pain, all her anxiety, all her stress, that awful sinking feeling in her stomach; they were all gone, just like that, and she once again found herself in that blissfully empty state she’d been craving ever since she left Charlotte.

A stray thought drifted through her mind like a tumbleweed—that it was ironic, really, how this was the first time she’d felt something other than gnawing emptiness since leaving Charlotte. She’d almost forgotten what it felt like to feel at peace. It was a complex thought for a hypnotised girl to have. It floated away just as quickly as it came.

“Even after spending so long pretending at independence, you still fall for me so easily.” Charlotte hummed. “It’s cute. I know you better than you know yourself, Ellie. Fucking hypno addict.”

“Yeah,” Ellie agreed with a smile. She really was.

“It’s easy for me to do this to you, El, because deep down it’s what you want,” Charlotte clarified. “You’re weak to it, you see.”

“Mm, I’m weak to… hypnosis.”

“So from now on, you’re going to be completely honest with me, because I’ll know if you’re lying, okay? There’s no point in lying to someone who knows you better than you know yourself.”

That made sense to her. She nodded.

“So tell me, Ellie, is this what you secretly wanted to happen? Did you arrange this meeting hoping I’d hypnotise you?”

“Mm…” she breathed, her smile turning dopey. “Yeah… last night, I… I masturbated thinking about being hypnotised… but then I felt guilty afterwards.”

“There we go. Isn’t it just so much easier when you stop pretending?”

“Yes, Miss,” Ellie agreed dreamily, the title feeling right on her tongue.

“Why did you feel guilty?”

Ellie’s brow creased slightly. “Because… because…”

Parallel thoughts collided, making an answer difficult to give even in trance. There was the truth, but then below the truth was the answer that was more the truth. She had been told to be honest, so it made sense that she should say the more truthful of the two answers. Her smile returned, the contradiction easily untangled.

“Because I’m not supposed to touch myself without your permission.”

Yes, this was wonderful. Like this, she didn’t have to make hard choices. There had never been a contradiction to unwind, really; if she just let Miss do the thinking for her, if she just obeyed the instinct that had been planted in her all that time ago, nothing would ever have to be difficult. It was freeing, to have that revelation all over again.

Charlotte’s eyes narrowed. “And what else, El? Was there something else that made you feel guilty?”

Ellie was awe-struck, but it only made sense that she had known about the other truth. It was just like she said: she knew her better than she knew herself. She was truly powerful.

“I-I felt guilty because… you aren’t good for me.” It felt absurd to even say. How could this not be good for her? It was so ridiculous she felt sheepish hearing the words come out of her own mouth. “I’m sorry, Miss.”

Charlotte’s nostrils flared. “They always were trying to separate us.”

“Separate us?” she echoed, a faint grimace passing over her features.

“You don’t want to be separated from me, do you, Ellie? After all, if you were separated from me, you’d never be able to feel this way ever again.”

Never again? Even just the suggestion of it made Ellie feel sick to her core. She let out a sad, pitiful noise at being forced to consider that possibility.

“Are you with me, El?”

“Mmn… yes, Miss…”

“Good girl. I’m bringing you back up,” Charlotte said.

Ellie whined. She didn’t want to have to be aware again. All these suggestions of scary things like never being in trance again and never seeing Charlotte again clawed at the edges of her thoughts like a persistent chill, kept at bay only by this blissful trance she never wanted to leave.

“Up,” Charlotte said with a click of her fingers.

Awareness came back in a rush. Reality was a bucket of ice water to the face. She had once again tasted obliteration, and now every nerve in her body sang for it to return.

Once upon a time, maybe Charlotte would have had to put more effort into bringing her up, but it was just as she said. Ellie was weak to it. Even the induction seemed redundant in hindsight, though Ellie blearily supposed it was a necessary component of putting her under covertly. Without her permission.

Ha. Permission.

“Charlotte,” she whimpered, not even really knowing why.

“Ah-ah, wrong,” Charlotte sang, “you were so good for me when you were in trance, El. Don’t ruin it now.”

“Sorry,” Ellie stuttered. “I-I’m sorry, Miss.”

Even out of trance, the way that title felt on her tongue was pure euphoria. Sublime. Better than any food she’d eaten since she’d foolishly thrown away the life that it was rapidly dawning on her may have been perfect.

Oh, god, was she an idiot? All this time, she’d been making herself suffer, and for what? All this time, she could’ve been with her, if only she’d never left. She could’ve chose happiness and she just—didn’t. What the hell had she been thinking? What had she left herself be talked into?

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

“How did that feel?”

“Amazing,” Ellie admitted a little too hastily, thighs squeezing together beneath the table. “It felt so good, Miss.”

It was all so woozy. She was only slightly aware of the fact that she was wearing a ridiculous, lopsided grin. If anyone had seen her, they might have thought she was drunk.

“I know it did,” Charlotte said, lips pursed in a mock pout. “But do you really think you deserve to feel that good? Running away from me like that, leaving me feeling so uncertain, wondering what I did wrong or if I’d ever get see you again… that’s a wound on me, Ellie. A wound that you left.”

A tear left a blistering trail down Ellie’s cheek. “I-I’m so sorry.”

“It’d be tough, for sure, but… I think that, with time, and if you’re good for me, we can move past it. You just need to want it, Ellie. You need to really want to make amends.”

“I—”

“Because I don’t want to force you into anything, Ellie. I need to know it’s what you want.” Charlotte hesitated before offering a deceitfully hesitant shrug. “Of course, if you say no, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to put you under again.”

It was just the same as telling someone they’d never see the sun again. She’d be alive, in some half-state, stuck in that miserable grey world without Charlotte? She’d be without the bliss that came from surrendering control, from having her soul un-spun, just to be put back together again?

Recalling the thoughts and actions of the Ellie who had woken up that morning felt like recalling the actions of a stranger. Had she earnestly wanted to remain steeped in that misery? Had she really believed that she could come into contact with that beautiful, powerful woman again and not be drawn back into her orbit?

Had she known that she was lying to herself? She must have known, right? She must have known that becoming this version of herself was inevitable. Weak, needy, and desperate for oblivion.

“So, Ellie, choice.”

Choice. She didn’t like that.

As if sensing her revulsion, Charlotte continued, “don’t worry, though. If you choose correctly, it’ll be the last choice you ever have to make, okay?”

“Mmmnnokay,” Ellie slurred, feeling as though she already knew the answer but had to wait to buzz in.

“Do you want to come back to me, Ellie? Do you want to be mine?”

“Yes,” she blurted out, fingers curling into the table. “Yes yes yes yes please, I want to be yours again, please!”

She didn’t care if she was being too loud or if the waitress overheard. She wasn’t ashamed of how much she needed it. Everyone else was pitiable, that they didn’t know what it felt like. Ellie felt sorry for them. If they did know, they’d understand.

But Charlotte wrinkled her nose. “Actually… I dunno.”

That was all it took for the foundations of Ellie’s entire world to begin splintering. The sun was flickering out. “H-Huh?”

“I mean, I just… don’t know if you want it enough. Like, you said you wanted it before, but then you ran off with Clara,” that word dripped with venom, “and the others at the drop of a hat. How do I know you won’t do something like that again?”

“I’ll never speak to them again,” Ellie said like it was nothing. It really was nothing in the face of what she stood to lose. “Anything, please just, please don’t…”

“Don’t…?”

“Abandon me.”

“You abandoned me first, though.”

Ellie’s voice cracked. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I-I shouldn’t have. I was stupid.”

“You were,” Charlotte agreed. “Stupid little plaything, having ideas about freedom and self-determination forced into her vacant head. I suppose I shouldn’t be too angry. After all, having thoughts put in your head is all you’re good for.”

Charlotte smiled coolly. “Do you remember what you really are? What you tried to pretend you weren’t for a while, until you failed and came crawling back to me?”

“Yes…”

“Say it, then. Admit to what you really are, and I’ll make sure you never have to forget ever again. I will never, ever let you go, Ellie. That’s a promise.”

This was it. If she said these words, she’d never return. She knew it. She was on the razor’s edge, one step away from endless, joyful free-fall. Maybe that was why the words came so fucking easily.

“I’m your pathetic, hypnotised fucktoy.”

“Yes.” Charlotte sounded so happy. Her happiness was Ellie’s happiness. “You are. You’ve never been the same since I twisted you up inside.”

“No, I haven’t.”

“I ruined you.”

“You did.” Ellie grinned deliriously, voice sounding as broken as she was on the inside. “I-I can’t live without you anymore, Miss. Please ruin this pathetic, hypnotised fucktoy more, if it’s what you want.”

“Lucky for you, it is.”

That was when Ellie’s phone began to ring. Charlotte’s eyes dropped to where it lay on the table, and then back up to Ellie expectantly.

“It’s Clara, Miss. She said she’d… call to check how things were going. So that I could let her know if I needed rescuing.”

“Rescuing,” Charlotte echoed bitterly. “Do you need rescuing from me, fucktoy?”

She’d once allowed herself to be tricked into thinking so, but, no. Her answer was inevitable.

“No, Miss!”

“Well, then. If she wants a status update, go ahead and give her one. No need to be shy, either. Give her the whole truth.”

Ellie shivered and picked up the phone. “Yes, Miss.” It’d be her pleasure. She would sacrifice what little remained of that false life at the altar to her one, true Goddess.

“Clara?”

“Thank god you picked up.” Clara let out an exaggerated sigh. Lovely, ignorant Clara. “So, is it as totally awful as expected? Do you need rescuing?”

The instructions were that, if she were in danger, she’d say, ‘I’m not interested, please remove my number from your call list,’ and that’d be the signal for everyone to spring into action. But she wasn’t in danger, and there would be no cavalry.

“Everything’s fine.”

“Oh, uh… well.” She hesitated. “Really?”

“Really.”

She hadn’t expected that, had she? She’d expected—hoped—that Ellie would come crying to her and vindicate everything she’d ever falsely believed about Charlotte. Ellie found herself convinced anew that Clara really did only have her own selfish interests at heart after all. How could she have been so blind, to not to see Clara’s vendetta?

“So… is she still there? Should I hang up?”

Ellie found Charlotte’s eyes and smiled. “Yeah, Miss is right here.”

There was stunned silence for all of a second before Clara started shouting. “Please tell me I am fucking hear things. Did you just fucking call her miss?”

“Clara, please stop shouting,” Ellie said dispassionately. “Listen to me, please—”

“The bitch is tricking you, Ellie! For fuck’s sake, when are you going to get wise to her?!”

Ellie’s blood ran cold with fury. “YOU tried to trick me, Clara—”

“How many fucking times do I have to try and get it through your head—”

“You don’t HAVE to anymore, so don’t fucking worry about it,” Ellie snarled. “I don’t want you to come near me ever again. Or Her. I want you and everyone else out of my fucking life forever because I belong with Her and I don’t fucking need you!”

“Ellie, look—I’m sorry, I—Please, just listen to me,” Clara pleaded.

“Don’t try to find me or I’ll call the police on you.”

“Please, Ellie! Please don’t do this!”

“Bye.”

Tap.

The call ended. During the call, Charlotte’s cool smile had become lopsided and lecherous, and her breathing had become fast. It was the sort of demeanour reserved for those who had earned the right to revel shamelessly in their complete and utter victory.

“Did I do good, Miss?”

“Very good. You did a great job pretending to have opinions, there, fucktoy.”

Ellie could have orgasmed just from those words alone, if not for knowing that she wasn’t allowed to. There was no greater euphoria than to receive Her praise. She would have sacrificed the world for it, but sacrificing her childhood friendship would do for now.

The phone started ringing again, but Charlotte snatched it away and dropped it into the glass of water, liquid overflowing onto the table. A tool with no further use.

“Can I… Can I go under now, Miss? I feel weird and sad, and… please?”

“You’ve earned it.” Ellie’s heart raced with the anticipation. “You don’t have to suffer anymore, fucktoy. Are you ready?”

“Yes,” she whined. “Yessss, please.”

Her hazy eyes locked onto Charlotte’s raised hand, thumb resting against her index and middle fingers like the trigger of a gun.

“Drop.”

And just like that, Ellie was obliterated one final, blissful time, and in her place sat Charlotte’s stupid, hypnotised fucktoy. She moaned, head lolling back, eyes dilating.

“Come on, we’re going.” Charlotte stood, chair scraping against the floor as She picked up Her umbrella.

The fucktoy bolted up from her seat like a puppy at her owner’s heel, and feeling just as giddy as one. She barely even noticed the waitress watching them like a hawk, eyes flitting to and fro between the pair and the fucktoy’s waterlogged phone. That was the nice thing about being with Her: nobody else mattered. Nothing else mattered. Everything was as simple as following the one bright, scintillating star amidst a sea of sepia.

They stepped out into the streets together into a maelstrom of things that didn’t matter. Charlotte unfurled Her umbrella and hooked an arm around Her fucktoy, bringing her in close, away from the rain. The fucktoy leaned into Her and sighed contentedly.

“I meant it, Ellie. I’m never letting you go.”

A different person, not long ago, had wondered if she could live any other way. “I don’t need anything but to be yours, Miss. Forever.”