“Hey, Jaime,” I let him in and closed the door, then locked it. “I didn’t know you were coming over.”

“Yeah, yeah. Sorry. You know me. I love to just pop in unannounced. But, really, I was just in the area and I thought we hadn’t seen each other in a while and thought I’d stop in. Say hi. Catch up. See if you wanted to get something for lunch maybe?”

“Oh,” I paused and looked back towards the door. “I uh, hm. I was on my way out. I think anyways.” I couldn’t help but laugh at how scatter brained I was being.

“You haven’t changed then. Can’t even remember where you were going a few minutes ago.” He smiled and leaned against the kitchen counter.

I shook my head and smiled.

“Are you still with…,” he paused. “Sorry, I forgot his name. I’m sorry.”

I winced. “Oh, Manny, no. No it’s okay. No, um, we uh, broke up a few days ago actually.” 

“Oh my god, Viv, I’m sorry. I wouldn’t have brought it up if I knew.” 

Jaime looked embarrassed and I felt bad. He hadn’t known. Nobody had really. I didn’t want to tell anyone. The breakup had been bad. Manny had pleaded with me all night to tell him what he did. How he could make it better. That he was sorry if he did anything, but I told him it was too late. There was nothing there anymore. I asked him to leave and, finally, after three hours of pleading he left. I can’t even really say what finally did it for me to break it off, but that I didn’t shed a tear while he bawled told me it was the right thing.

“Yeah, it’s okay. I’m not really spreading the news. So many people thought we were getting married soon. I don’t feel like having that conversation yet.” The words still hurt. Years of being together will do that. He had asked if we should go away this winter for our anniversary. Two years since he asked me out. He very well may have proposed then.

“Look, if you want me to go I’ll—,”

“No, no. Jaime, no. We never see each other.” I wasn’t sure I wanted him to stay, but he was right. We hadn’t seen each other in a while. I can’t even remember how long. Long enough that I can’t remember I guess. “Yeah, lunch you said? Sure. Where were you thinking?”

I had just eaten, but the idea of going out to eat sounded too good to pass up. I had to get out of this apartment. It felt suffocating for some reason. Maybe seeing someone else, the first person since Manny left, was a bit heavier than I thought it was. 

“It’ll be nice to get out,” I told Jaime. “I actually haven’t left the apartment in a few days. I haven’t been feeling well. Told work I needed a couple of days.”

“Break-ups will do that to you,” he said and followed me out.

***

We went to a little cafe not far from my apartment. A couple of blocks. Jaime suggested we walk, that it would be quicker than trying to find parking. I agreed, even though it looked like it might rain.

“We can get a cab back if it downpours,” he said. “I’ll pay.”

I ordered a sandwich. Jaime insisted. I was going to tell him I had eaten already but I hated telling him no. He had this way about him that made people want to please him. There was something about his face, or his smile, or the way he was always so pleasant to be around. Nobody likes to eat alone, so I got a sandwich and a salad while he picked at a plate of fries and a burger.

“You were sick?” He asked.

“Yeah. I don’t know what it was. My stomach or my head. Something hit me hard and that, combined with breaking up with Manny. I couldn’t be around people. I needed a few days. I told them…I can’t remember. I’d be off a few days at least.”

“Well, you look better Viv. You’ve got some color in your cheeks and a little bit of fullness in your face.” He paused for half a breath before adding, “In a good way!”

I laughed as I stole some of his fries and shoved them in my mouth. “Are you calling me fat?”

He laughed and shook his head. “Nobody would ever say that about you. Look at you. You’ve always been the most physically fit person I’ve known.”

I nodded and stole some more fries after seeing my salad was gone. I guess I was hungrier than I thought.

“I think that’s what really had me, feeling like I had to get out of the apartment today. I haven’t even been going to the gym. I haven’t been out running for…days I think? I feel so sluggish. I’m sorry, Jaime, are you done with your burger?”

“What?” He asked.

“Your burger,” I said. “You haven’t touched it for a few minutes and I was wondering, are you done? Ever since you set it down I’ve been staring at it and I can’t stop my mouth from watering, it looks so good.” 

It did look good. Really good. I was never that crazy over burgers, but would eat one from time to time. But Jaime’s burger looked incredible. And none of that healthy garnish that places put on it to make it look like it had some nutritional benefits. This was dripping sauce and had two patties and a bun that looked like it was fried in butter. I don’t think a vegetarian could have said no to it.

“I uh, no.” Jaime leaned back away from the table and offered his hand at it. “If you’re that hungry you go for it, Viv. You’ve been holed up in your house for, what did you say, days? You must be starving.”

“I am. I must be. I never eat like this.” I blushed.

I was hungry. I was and I wasn’t. I had eaten lunch already and most of his fries, my salad and my sandwich and I was still laser focused on his burger. When he told me to go ahead my hands shot across the table and grabbed it. I took a huge bite and I audibly moaned.

“Oh my god, that is so good.”

Jaime laughed. “Calm down there Viv, we’re in a public place.”

I swallowed and dabbed my chin. A combination of ketchup, mayo and mustard rolled down it and plopped onto the plate.

“Sorry,” I said through a mouthful of food.

Jaime kept talking. Something about his job and what he’s been up to. I heard my name and how he saw me recently while out and thought if he was in the area, something something. I couldn’t take my focus off of the burger though. I took a huge bite and chewed it, struggled to swallow the massive amount of food and took another bite and repeated.

My eyes flicked up to Jaime then back to the burger. I didn’t want to be rude. I wanted him to know I was listening.

“So I figured I’d just come on over. Nothing to do today. I may as well hang out with someone I hadn’t seen in a while.”

I nodded again and took another bite. The burger was nearly gone.

Jaime stared at me oddly for a moment, or what looked odd from where I sat. I didn’t know if I had something on my face so I grabbed the napkin and dabbed my chin again. It came away a mixture of red and white from the mayo and ketchup. I apologized again through another mouth of food.

Embarrassed now, I looked down at my plate. I held the last piece of the burger in my left hand. Mostly bread. I never liked bread. I usually tore the edges off of my toast and ordered a lettuce wrap, but something about this bun made me not want to waste it. 

When I saw the plate was covered in sauce that had dripped from the burger I ran the last bite of bread through the globs of sauce until it gathered it into a pile an inch thick, then used my finger to push as much as I could up onto the remaining piece of bun before shoving the entire thing into my mouth. I sucked off my fingers for good measure.

Jaime was staring at me with his mouth open slightly.

“Viv,” he said and then trailed off.

“Wha?” I shrugged my shoulders and lifted my hands up. My voice was off as I hadn’t swallowed yet. When I did the sweetness of the ketchup made my face strain.

We sat there for a minute or so in silence. He looked around and I watched him. My eyes watched him as his head moved this way and that. He looked out of the window and then towards the counter, assuming looking for the waitress to pay. 

His hair looked shorter than I remembered. I think. I wasn’t actually sure. The more I thought about it I couldn’t recall the last time we actually got together. He may have had long hair. Longer than it is now. And I don’t think he had a moustache. Or he did and there was a beard. Maybe.

How long had it been? Why couldn't I remember? I was feeling full. Very full. I could feel the meat and bread pushing down my throat, as if it wasn’t used to that much food at once. I felt a slight belch push up silently and I covered my mouth and leaned forward, but nothing came out, which made it hurt.

“So,” he cut the silence, “I’m sorry if this is a sore subject but, when were you and Manny supposed to go away? I was wondering if he bought the tickets yet. If you still had them and had anyone to go with.”

Was he, was he hitting on me right now?”

“Oh, Um. No it’s okay. I think they’re—,” I froze. My eyes went wide and stared directly at Jaime. “I didn’t…tell you that we were going anywhere. I didn’t tell anyone. We didn’t want anyone to know.”

Jaime sat up straight in his chair. He turned his head towards the corner of the table and furrowed his brow, then shook his head and brought it back up to meet my face.

“I’m sorry Viv. I—,”

He stopped and then he laughed. “I can’t keep this up anymore. Do you want to go back to your place?”

I shook my head no. My eyes never left him.

He turned his gaze from me and looked outside again. The rain began. Heavy, just like I thought it would. Just like I heard it was going to on the news earlier when I was in my apartment. Hoping for it? Why was I hop—I was crying. Why was I crying?

“Viv, we should go.”

“I’m not going anywhere with you.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I’m not. And if you try anything I’ll scream.” 

My heart was racing. I looked at the barista. The waitress. The other patrons. They were all focused on their own lives. Their food or the other people surrounding them. But they were close enough that if I stood up, if I yelled they would hear and look and he would stop whatever this was.

But he stood up and he actually had the nerve to reach his hand towards me for mine. I looked up at him, my face curled in contempt when I couldn’t believe that my hand reached out and took his. My fingers curled around his and I lifted myself up and stood next to him. Close enough to smell his cologne, or aftershave or whatever it was, the faint smell of that nothing male scent because men were so concerned with what they weren’t supposed to smell like that they wanted to smell like nothing. 

He leaned over and his hand let go of me, snaked around my waist and pulled me in close to him. He whispered, long and soft with his lips pressed to my ear so it swarmed my brain.

“Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

He pecked my ear and then dipped his head around front of me to catch my eyes and had the audacity to smile. A bright, warm, friendly smile as if we were close.

“Come on. Be careful of the rain. Just walk normal, I don’t want you to slip and break an ankle or something. It’s really coming down out there.”

My eyes turned to the window but my head didn’t move. The rain was coming down so hard it looked like a sheet instead of individual drops. He walked to the door and I followed him. I did not make my legs move, but I followed him to the door and stood behind him as he grabbed an umbrella out of a bucket next to the entryway. Then, as he walked out into the rain and opened the umbrella over himself, I followed him out and stood behind him as the heavy, hard droplets pounded on my head. I was drenched in a matter of seconds as he stood under the umbrella, dry from the calves up. 

“Let’s go back to your place. It’s closer and you can get out of those wet clothes, hm?” 

He turned down the street and walked towards my apartment. I followed a few steps behind him, keeping pace. Stopping when he stopped. Moving again when he moved. Always three steps behind him.

Water crashed into my face and my eyelashes were heavy and coated with a constant stream of raindrops. My stomach was bloated and I felt sick. My entire body felt waterlogged and I had only been in the rain for less than five minutes. It would take another seven to get to my apartment. He ended up taking an additional five because Jaime randomly stopped in the middle of the sidewalk talking on his phone.

When we reached my apartment I was streaming water from my clothes. They were soaked through and my hair was stuck to me. Jaime stood in the doorway and shook the umbrella off while I was still in the path of the rain outside. I followed him in when he finally moved through the doorway into my building. 

The lobby was empty and we stepped into the elevator. He pressed my floor and as soon as the door closed he looked at me. 

“You look soaked. Are you sure you want to drip all over your apartment? You should probably take those clothes off before you get there.”

I didn’t say anything. No words were coming to me. There were vague feelings of anxiousness and frustration. There was even a hint of anger, but none of them could formulate into actual words, so I stared at him.

He motioned to me. “Go on. Take them off.”

That’s all it took and as the elevator pulled up, and the doors opened on the ninth floor I had already removed my shoes, socks and leggings. Jaime walked out and I followed him, leaving everything there to soak into the elevator floor. I pulled my shirt off and dropped it in the hallway and stood in front of my apartment in my bra and underwear, white and utilitarian. My nipples poked through the fabric and my pubic hair was wet and easily visible through the damp fabric of my panties. The only solace I had was that nobody had met us in the lobby, elevator or hallway.

“Keys.” He held out his hand.

I fished them out of my purse and handed him the bunch.

“Which is it?” He held up the keychain with seven keys and dangling accessories on it.

I took the keychain and handed them back with the apartment key stuck out alone. He took the keychain and removed the key from it and handed the remaining keys back to me before unlocking the door, opening it and telling me to go in. After I walked in he closed it behind him and locked it.