How long was I in her lap, being touched kindly and warmly and always reminding me that she was there? I didn’t know. There wasn’t any clock in front of my eyes, and my head wasn’t in any space to say anything so I could ask Alaina.

All I knew was the fact that Alaina had placed me back onto the plank before she had left again, leaving me alone for a while—maybe a few hours. She left the lamp on and bright, and with the window being covered with a thick cover, I had no idea what time it was. Just that by the time Alaina was back again, grinning widely with excitement, she had just flopped herself onto the bed and almost immediately fell asleep.

I wanted to scream and told her to wake back up, that I was alone and with no one else. But no words were coming out of my throat, and all I could do was stare more inside the room. Seeing the white walls, how there weren’t any nicks or scuff marks anywhere I could see. It felt eerie, in some ways, but I couldn’t care less about it.

For now… I needed to calm myself down, until I was able to talk at the very least. Then it was time to ask more out of Alaina, to try interrogating and finding out what she wanted to do with me. On whether she could perhaps, find a way to help me come back to normal? She should have some free time between her job and all, right? Especially since she was the one who did this in the first place, the Alaina I knew was responsible. Someone who wouldn’t do anything she didn’t understand.

Wouldn’t that mean she understand what she did, by turning me into this plushie?

That thought immediately came down onto me, a slither of unwanted fear. Because this whole thing had to be merely a mistake. Alaina was always eager to help me, finding ways she could ensure I could become happy—so this had to be something she had done because she heard my constant complaints. Even if she never told me about being a magician one way or another, but that was another matter. I could only believe that this transformation only happened because she was being hasty, and not anything else.

Besides, the possibility that Alaina wouldn’t help me, was a fearful thought. Of course there wasn’t any palpitations, an accelerating heartbeat or cold sweat, but I knew I was still scared. That I wished for her to hold me again, instead of merely sleeping on the bed without touching me even once. Even that little warmth would be wonderful, a reminder that I could still feel, and not merely a doll. That I was a ‘thing’ right now, instead of someone.

The air conditioner machine whirred in the room elsewhere, reminding myself that the room was supposed to be cold. Telling me that the only feeling and difference I had felt was only when Alaina had touched me. I shoved that line of thought further into myself, burying it as deep as I could with everything else that was more important.

Letting it be would merely lead to being depressed, and that would be bad. So I just focused on the sounds in the room. The machines. The way Alaina shuffled within the bed—which I also looked at, because she was moving around despite staying asleep.

Anything and everything, as long as I didn’t need to peek upon myself.

I just needed to hold onto myself until the morning, when Alaina woke up and I could finally ask her everything.

—

When Alaina finally made some sort of sound, groaning and stretching her body, I finally jerked back to life as well. My mind felt like it was frozen for the hours before, when she was sleeping and everything. I was completely aware of time passing, of everything that had happened, and yet it all felt compressed. A time I didn’t need to know, as nothing’s important was happening at that moment.

“A-Alaina!” I called out before she would have shut her eyes down and fell back to sleep again. This wasn’t the time for her to wake up just yet, as her alarm clock hadn’t ring, but I would be damned if I let her be right now. I needed answers yesterday, but now was the second best option. “We need to talk. Now.” I tried to sound as hard as I could, to sound completely serious. But with how I was a doll now, my voice also changed to something far higher than I ever wished to be.

More uncomfortableness formed in the pit of my imaginary stomach, just another to the pile that I wished wasn’t real.

At least that made Alaina sat up while yawning though, stretching her body before she turned around and lifted me up—and once again showed that the soothing feeling, the warmth, wasn’t a fluke. It was something constant and real, what I could feel as she gently placed me back against her body. Not even in her lap this time—just pressing me against the side of her stomach, while her arm stayed around me to keep me secure and safe.

Any other time, perhaps when I was in my normal body—I would be enjoying this position. I loved to stick with Alaina, just knowing that she was next to me… that was enough. She was someone I had always marked as safe, someone I could trust no matter what.

Safety. Support. Assurance.

And yet all of those felt stained now. All because she had… turned me into this thing. A fluffy toy, something unable to move or do anything even. Not until Alaina had done something to my body. She helped me, and yet she was the culprit at the same time, and she did all of that because of words I had said while I was drunk.

I bottled the scream I wanted to do, the repressed feeling forming in my chest ever since I was turned into something like this. That wasn’t a good idea, as everything hinged within Alaina’s answer—and accusing her would merely make her more likely to stick to her decision. I didn’t want to stay like this.

Despite everything, knowing I wouldn’t be able to leave and go to work was—a worry stuck to my head like a burr, the thought that I would be fired and then once this was all done and dusted, I wouldn’t have any income lined up and that was a scarier thought to have than merely facing my ‘friend’.

“What is it, Elys?” Her words jerk me out of my reverie, as if I had spent too long within my own head. I shouldn’t, right? The fact there wasn’t any clock continued to trip me up. “We can, perhaps, talk better later? You can take your time, think on it to find your words again—then we can have a proper one on one, just like the usual, yeah?”

I couldn’t see Alaina’s face, but the way she worded it—it was all the same as when I was still in my usual body. She was certainly grinning while those words came out of her, all the while her hands were treating me pretty much just like usual… beyond the fact I wasn’t a normal, flesh and blood human right now.

The touch continued to be gentle, the press against her body something I couldn’t help but enjoy. Perhaps I should have noticed that she was pushing off the explanation, to let me have some say in this—but her caress was enough to drive those thoughts out of my mind, and after the few hours without any feelings… I was desperate for the little I had.

So I let myself become silent after giving her a noise of agreement.

I couldn’t regret it, not when Alaina sounded incredibly happy right after.

A few more hours pass, ones I didn’t know how long—but I knew I continued to dislike it when Alaina wasn’t with me. Whenever I was alone, not feeling anything… All I could do was remembering the past, of what Alaina had given me herself.

I tried to not focus on that right now, though, focusing instead on what I needed to confront Alaina on. Especially on convincing her that turning me back would be the best choice—The door was slammed open, and I wished I could jump in surprise.

“I’m home, Elys!” She grinned excitedly from the door, still wearing her nice outdoors coat as she immediately sat on the chair—but she didn’t take me this time. Instead, she merely adjusted my position so I could look right at her face from the shelf on the bed. “I should be doing a few other things still, but well, you are important to me, and so I hurried here. Let’s start this deep talk, shall we?”

Some semblance of warmth formed in my head, despite the fact I missed her touch already. Even the few hours without Alaina was enough to make me realize how addicted I was to the little amount of warmth and soothing I could feel off her touch.

“Okay.” I nodded—or at least tried to. My body didn’t move, and I was reminded again of my condition. That the whole reason this talk was needed was because of this. I wanted to move on my own volition again, not according to Alaina’s wishes, no matter how good it felt under her ministrations. Nonetheless, I decided to cut off all the fluff and just go right to the topic. That way, Alaina couldn’t try to weasel out of it, even if she wished to. I didn’t think she would, though.

“Alaina, that wish you asked me yesterday,” was it really yesterday? I wasn’t sure, without a calendar. But I continued, not caring whether I might have been wrong since it didn’t really matter anyway. “Well, I was obviously tired by then, and stressed so… it’s kinda more of a wish, you know? Like, just those kinds of wish fulfillment people always dreamed of but knew it will never come true.”

Because adulthood meant leaving those in the chest of your childhood, never to be opened again. Not unless you somehow strike it rich and had the time and funds for it. I pushed those thoughts away again, waiting for Alaina’s answer. She was frowning slightly the moment she had heard my words.

Her fingers tapped slowly against the armrest, and I watched the way she didn’t even look guilty or anything. Her shoulders were relaxed, no guilt to speak of swirling within her eyes—it was as if she didn’t see anything she had done to be wrong. “But you agreed to it, Elys. I asked you again while you are at my home—that’s how this transformation can happen. I have to ask you a few times. Three times asked, three times the permission is given, and only then the magic will take hold.”

A rule? I, unfortunately, was unable to try challenging her about it, considering I had no idea on how magic was. So I had no choice but to accept her words as the ‘right’ one, especially when I had no one else I could ask. Not like I could ask Alaina to give me a companion too. The thought that someone else might be turned into a doll as well… no. Bad idea.

“I—I was drunk, Alaina. No matter how many times I said yes to it, agreed to it… none of that mattered! My inhibitions were shot, nor could I think rationally. I can say yes to it a hundred, a thousand times, and it doesn’t matter.” I cried out, trying to inject as much disbelief as I could into my words. Trying to make her see my side so she would back off, despite her usual hardheadedness—especially within this kind of matters.

Alaina always ensured that I was happy. She hated it whenever I had an issue, even back during college. Feeling hurt from a sharp comment by the teacher? Alaina would be there, assuring me and asking me whether I wanted something to happen to them. The churning in my stomach, nausea forming in the back of my throat as an important exam was coming ever closer with every second? Alaina also helped, gently coaxing me to study, reminding me how much I had tried.

Part-time job being hell when I also needed to do my essays and quizzes in my flat? Alaina too. Of course, I helped her back, that wasn’t ever a question. Alaina didn’t really ask though, instead preferring to be a constant presence for me, somehow always there even if it was merely just a phone call so she could listen to me complaining and rambling. I always offered the other way around, and she said she would take it up, while never doing the same. It often left me feeling uncomfortable, of course, leaving me feeling as if I was taking advantage of her.

Nonetheless, right now… this was just another of Alaina’s attempt to make me happy, and I believe that. This was just the first time it was something like this. Magic, all used to transform me from human flesh into cottoned doll.

“I see.” Her tone was slightly flat, even if there were an attempt to make it not sounding so. If I didn’t know better, I would say that she wasn’t exactly feeling happy from what I had said. But there was no way, right? “But this is still the best, isn’t it? You don’t need to worry about anything anymore, and I can take care of you.” She lifted her hand up for a moment, about to touch me—before letting it fall again.

I wasn’t sure why I felt disappointed upon seeing that action, but it was easier to focus on Alaina’s refusal. “What if you aren’t there anymore then? Or any other possibilities…” I ended up letting my words trail off, not wanting to dwell further upon those. I didn’t want to think about her possible death, accidental or anything else. No matter what she did, I just—I just wanted her to be happy and alive still. “But most importantly, I just… I can’t stay like this. My heart doesn’t beat, my body doesn’t react how it should with anything. Everything just felt off, and I never knew and understand what else can I do.”

My voice broke at the end, and if I had control over my arms—well, I would press them against my face, covering my eyes. But all I could do was stare against Alaina’s eyes, the golds still shining as bright as ever. I didn’t know how to dig deeper, and all I could do was wait and listen to what her next explanations would be. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to call it ‘excuse’.

The silence dragged on between the two of us, the two of us never looking away, even if I could see the way the gears were moving within her eyes. Whether this thought would be following my wishes or not, I couldn’t say.

“Perhaps… I could find a way.” She started slowly, each word full of reluctance. “It would be temporary, and… the one I know won’t let you go too far from me, or even let you disobey my words, commands. Even with that, do you still wish to do it?”

I knew what her next words meant. And yet all my thoughts could do was focusing on the first sentence, the one that told me she had a way. That I could become a human again—and for the first time, I had hope welling up within me. I wanted, prayed for this outcome. And yet the moment I had a though on the next sentence, on what it would meant—I couldn’t. The thought of having to follow her every order made a huge part of myself worry.

Maybe not in the past, before this whole thing had happened. And yet now—now I couldn’t help but wonder what she would make me do. She wouldn’t hurt me, not in a deliberate way. Well, unless she believed that would end up making me happier in the end. And there were a lot of ways, right?

But the fact she had asked me first, instead of just doing it—that was a lot for me. A few trust that I couldn’t help but take away beforehand, but now they were back. Not entirely, but enough that I wished I could have nodded and said yes.

“I’ll… I’ll think about it?” Was the words that ended up coming out of my mouth. Because that was the only way, because I couldn’t think of anything else, of any other possibilities. Saying yes felt like giving so much grounds, even if that would be the fastest way. And yet… to merely meekly said yes, I would follow all her orders? That felt off and wrong.

So, this was the best way for now.

“You are really sure you wanted to stay like that? I’m not going to order you weird things, I promise.” She smiled, and yet the supposed reassurance merely make my mind continued to run in circles. All I could do was giving her a repeat of my answer, of my refusal. “Alright. We’ll work on it on your own pace. I’ll be here for you the moment you want to turn back.”

This time, she touched me again, emphasizing her words with the warmth I finally could feel again. As if reminding me what I would be missing by refusing her right now. But surely Alaina wouldn’t do such blatant manipulation, right?

It didn’t matter. For now… all I could do was believe that Alaina had the best intentions to me. Her touch helped to ground and soothe me, and I let my mind relax at this moment.

I trust her, even if deep inside my mind, beyond this change—I had some hope that maybe, perhaps, someone would find me too. Maybe another witch would come along and save me. After all, I didn’t know Alaina was one, so maybe I had another friend who was actually one as well.

There were two paths before me, and I didn’t want to step onto either one at this moment. Not picking a choice was still one, after all.