photography was supposed to be just a little hobby for jim. he figured it was a good excuse to get out and do something, so he would bring a camera along with him whenever he walked to a cafe or the library, to take some pictures along the way.

at first, his self consciousness forced him to only focus on things that wouldn't take very much effort, so he wouldn't have to stick around in the same area for too long - but over time, the boredom of only taking pictures of the sky and the same zoomed-out landscapes outweighed the embarrassment, and he found that, more than anything, he liked taking pictures of very small things, particularly bugs and spiderwebs. something about how easy it was to control the angle, the way it looked when you can clearly see all of the delicate details of something while the background and everything around it blurs, and, in the case of the bugs, the challenge of capturing something that's moving, waiting for the perfect moment. it appealed to him.

on one of his walks, he came across a doll that had fallen onto the sidewalk. normally, he would have just ignored it and walked past without a second thought. but, with his camera in hand, all he could think about was how to get a nice picture of it. he picked it up and moved it without even thinking, gently leaning it against a nearby spiderweb - thankfully it was small and light enough not to break it. the doll clearly hadn't been on the ground for long, so it wasn't dirty, either. it made for an interesting contrast - this clean, perfect doll with this neglected little place outside. as if the spider had caught it.

he was so focused on that visual that he nearly dropped his camera when he heard a voice coming from right behind him.

"quite an interesting set up."

he turned to face the man, scrambling to stand up. even when he did, the stranger was taller than he was.

"um... thank you," he said, uncertain whether they meant it as a compliment, but not knowing how else to react.

they bent down and reached around him, grabbing the doll, and embarrassment flooded through him as they gently brushed it off. it must have belonged to them.

"may i see the photos?" they asked, looming over him.

"if you want to..."

he preferred to turn and show them himself instead of giving them the camera, but having them lean over his shoulder made it feel like they were breathing down his neck.

they didn't seem upset, at the very least.

"these are very nice. is there any way you could send these to me?"

that wasn't the response he was expecting.

"i... i guess if if i had your email or something, i could send it there... or, i'm on the way to the library, i could print some."

"oh, i would like that, if you don't mind. i can pay you."

"you don't have to, i was taking those pictures anyway... and i mean, i was messing with your doll without permission, too."

"we can discuss this as we walk."

"right..."

he only noticed as they began walking that they were holding a few books under their arm.

they were dressed nicely, wearing a turtleneck and a long coat. it was just starting to get cold enough for him to wear long sleeved shirts. their clothes must have been a bit warm.

"i was on the way to the library myself, to return these. i was too focused on the books, so i hadn't noticed when she fell out of my pocket."

"is there any particular reason you brought her outside?"

"i just wanted to bring one of my dolls with me. i thought perhaps i would take some pictures with her myself, actually. they would have just been with my phone camera. but, you know, it could be fun setting her up in the library, making her look like she's reading, that sort of thing."

"so you collect dolls?"

"yes. i like them quite a lot."

"i'm surprised you didn't mind me getting cobwebs all over her, then."

"oh, not at all. i wouldn't have brought her out if i wasn't prepared for her to get a bit dirty in the first place. and it's an interesting idea, anyway. i would have never considered taking pictures like that."

"i see."

jim's idea of collectors had always been the people who kept things in boxes and obsessed over everything being in perfect condition. that's how he probably would have been if he had taken up a hobby like that. even his camera wasn't especially fancy or expensive, because if it was, he knew he would never want to use it. he was only able to take those pictures because he didn't know or care about the doll himself.

so it struck him as odd, that someone who likes their dolls so much would be so happy to see one caught in a web, being photographed by some random person. for all they knew, he could have been a complete pervert.

he supposed they could be a pervert, too.

he wondered what sorts of books they were returning. as soon as they arrived at the library, he made a beeline to the computers, so he forgot to take a look.

the photos printed out alright, even if they might have been nicer with a bit of editing and touch ups. he still wasn't good at that sort of thing, and he wasn't going to mess with it on the library computers, anyway, so it would have to do.

"here," he said quietly. "it's not the best, but..."

they looked at it for a moment without saying anything, then smiled. "you really do have an eye for this sort of thing."

"well, i'm glad you think so."

"how much do you want for it?"

"i don't need money for it. i would have taken those pictures anyway. i don't even know how much something like that is supposed to be worth."

"it is still art, isn't it?"

"this is just something i do as a hobby."

"hmm." they stared back down at the pictures. "and what if i commissioned you?"

"to take pictures of your dolls?"

"yes."

"i'm sure there are professionals with more experience who you can hire for that."

"i am not asking if you think it is a wise decision on my part, i am asking if you would like to do it. it's alright to say no, if you don't want to."

he'd never even considered something like that. he didn't think his photography was bad, necessarily - he liked some of his own work, but he was still a complete amateur. the idea that he could be paid real money just to play around with his camera was absurd.

not that he didn't want to do it. he had been between jobs for a while, with plenty of free time, and could use some extra money.

"i could... try it, at least. do you want to take some pictures here?"

"actually, i was thinking we could exchange contact information. i'd like some photos of my nicer dolls."

"like the ones at your house?"

"yes, if that's alright."

"alright."

"ah, i am adrianus, by the way. i realize i hadn't introduced myself."

"right. i'm jim." they had an interesting name. it was fitting, with how eccentric they seemed already. "...how do you spell that?"

adrianus helped him type it into his phone, and they finally parted ways. it had gotten later than he expected. he was thankful his schedule was so open lately.

stepping up to their door, he realized that he couldn't recall a single other time in his life when he visited a relative stranger's house on his own. it wouldn't be unheard of for other people, he supposed - some people meet each other at bars or on hookup apps. to him, though, it was a completely foreign concept.

he could only really compare it to fiction. this whole situation could have been the set up to something akin to dracula, or the most dangerous game, maybe.

he knocked on the door.

the moment after knocking seemed to stretch on forever. what if he had the wrong house? had he forgotten anything? this was the time and date they had agreed on, wasn't it? was the whole thing a scam? no, they were the one who insisted on paying him. were they a serial killer? they probably wouldn't have any reason to target him. did they hire him to take pictures of their victims?

...was he really asking himself if they were a serial killer?

the door finally opened. "hello, jim. you can come right in."

they had been wearing a similar outfit to the last time he saw them, but with no coat, and fuzzy slippers instead of shoes.

jim stepped inside, kicking off his own shoes out of habit. he hesitated for a moment. they probably didn't want him tracking dirt around their house, but it made it feel much less like he was here to work. was he getting too comfortable?

"is something wrong?"

he pushed his shoes aside. they were already off, so he wasn't going to awkwardly shove his feet back in. "no, i'm fine. you can lead me to wherever you want me to take the pictures."

"we could sit down for a bit and discuss ideas first, if you'd like. i am curious about your creative process."

"it really isn't complicated. i just like taking pictures of spiderwebs and other little things i see on my walks."

"but how do you choose the angles, and adjust the settings, and everything?"

"i don't know, i just find whatever looks right. i told you, i'm not a professional."

they put a hand on his shoulder, a gesture that felt oddly intimate.

"you really should relax before you get started. there's no need to put so much pressure on yourself."

"you're paying me. if this is a job, i can't just do whatever i--"

"you're so stubborn, aren't you?" their voice was calm, quiet.

he didn't know how to react to that. he felt warm - was he blushing?

they spoke slowly and gently. "let's think of the payment as separate from the task i'm giving you. let's say that you're just doing me a favor. if it's money that's the problem, i can repay you with food, or something, instead. how does that sound? does that sound better?"

he stared for a moment, unable to think of a response, unable to really think of anything at all. "yes," he said, almost automatically.

they withdrew their hand. "i'm glad. here, i'll show you the doll room."

he followed them, taking in more of their house. it felt a bit old-fashioned, and more on the fancy side, but not to the point where it was unapproachable. he wondered if the furniture had been passed down from older family members and was just well maintained, or if they actively looked for some antiques to buy themself.

they stopped at a door in the hallway, opening it only just enough for both of them to walk in, and quickly closing it behind him. something about the urgency of it felt strange, but he didn't even think to ask about it.

the dolls themselves did look nice. or, high quality, at least. there weren't actually as many as he expected. it seemed like maybe about 15-20, at a glance. there were some dollhouses, miniatures, and props, as well. it was mostly organized, but less pristine than he was imagining.

there was an area off in the corner that seemed to be for sewing and storing clothes and accessories, which had some scraps of cloth and other miscellaneous items sitting around, as well as a mostly featureless doll that seemed to be a work in progress.

there was a mannequin in the room, too. he'd never considered the idea that someone would own a mannequin and just put it in their house, but he supposed it was basically just a giant doll.

"do any of these catch your eye?" adrianus asked.

it was hard to have much of an opinion on something like this. he wasn't particularly knowledgable about or interested in dolls, or fashion, or anything. it was another thing that made him feel he wasn't very well suited to this job - favor. it was a favor.

"i'm not sure," he replied, not wanting to just say no.

"it might help if you look more closely. you like the little details, don't you?"

"why does it matter which ones i like, though? shouldn't i be focusing on the ones you like?" even saying that, he stepped closer to inspect them.

"i think it will be easier to work with the ones that you like. and besides, i like all of them, anyway. they are my dolls, after all."

looking more closely, he did appreciate that they all seemed to have their own styles. he expected to just see long hair and frilly dresses. these were less like the stereotypical image of a doll in his head, and more like... small people. stylized and exaggerated people, and one of them actually seemed to be some sort of animal, but still.

"if i had to pick, maybe this one," he said, pointing to one with a gothic sort of style. technically it did have long hair and a frilly dress, but he liked the black and white color scheme of the clothes, and it was interesting to him how the hair looked sort of unkempt - clearly intentionally so. its eyes had dark circles drawn under them.

"very interesting," adrianus murmured. they had been closer to him than he realized while looking at the dolls. "you know, you have such an unassuming style on the outside, but your tastes seem so gothic."

"do they?"

"your fascination with spiderwebs feels that way, too."

"i wouldn't call it a fascination."

they just smiled. "oh, actually, i did create a web of my own. i thought it might be a fun prop for you to work with." they pulled some threads off of the table, tied and woven together into a classic spiderweb shape.

jim held it in his own hands, examining it.

"what do you think?"

"it's definitely better than the fake webs you'd find at a halloween store. it's not completely realistic, but..."

"it should at least be easier to work with. and it won't stick to the dolls."

"right."

something about the fact that it was manmade was interesting. spiders made their webs to capture things. this was just about the idea of a web, the aesthetic. this web wasn't going to catch any prey.

he looked at the way it wrapped around his fingers.

"i can work with this," he said.

he was used to taking photos on his own, and normally would have been frustrated by having someone else involved with it, but he let adrianus handle the doll. they were pretty good at understanding what he wanted, whenever he asked them to adjust or move something, and even had some good ideas of their own. really, it felt like they were the one doing most of the work.

as he watched them pull the web around the doll in various ways, it did make him wonder why, exactly, they enjoyed this. they had the same attitude and demeanor as always, and the poses they were putting it in weren't especially suggestive - they didn't ask him to take any up skirt shots, or anything like that. even the doll itself was modest. its dress was long, and its chest was entirely flat.

still, he felt very aware of the fact that this could be a fetish. it wasn't really any of his business, and it wouldn't have bothered him if that was the appeal for them, but it was the uncertainty that made the idea stick in his mind. maybe it was inappropriate for him to think about it. they were more or less a stranger to him.

it didn't matter, as long as they were happy with it.

at the very least, he was satisfied with his own work in the end, which was the main thing he had been nervous about. they had insisted on treating him to some tea and cookies afterward, and it was a bit easier to accept when he felt like he earned it.

adrianus looked through some of the pictures on his camera as they sat across the table from him. he couldn't help but try to read their expression. they seemed pleased, but that's sort of how they always looked to him.

"these turned out very well," they said. "i would still be willing to pay with actual money, of course."

"it's fine, really."

"would you be willing to print these out, too?"

"i can send them to you, and you can get them printed."

"i suppose that's true. is there any reason you don't want to do it yourself?"

"i'm not going to go show someone a bunch of creepy doll bondage pictures and ask them to print them for me."

"you find them creepy?"

"well, i don't really care, but i don't know what some random stranger will think of it."

"of course. i would be surprised if you were bothered by it. you seemed quite relaxed when taking those pictures."

"i guess it's nice having something like that to focus on."

they smiled. "i am curious about your thought process behind these things, though. were you really only thinking about what looked good?"

"pretty much." he certainly wasn't going to tell them what he had actually been pondering for half of the session.

"i just wondered if this symbolized or represented anything for you."

thinking back, he had considered something like that on his walk the other day. it wasn't particularly deep to him, though, so it hardly felt worth mentioning. "not really. does it represent something to you?"

"it does. it's very interesting to me. you know, dolls are often used to represent control, or really, being controlled, in media. if someone is compared to a doll, it's a way of objectifying them. but when it comes to people who like dolls, typically the point is to make them seem like actual people. to give them their own styles and personalities, and bring them to life. even if i don't mind the creepy connotations that dolls have for most people, i am more interested in letting my dolls feel like individuals, myself."

he nodded along, a bit surprised at how prepared they were for the question.

"but then," they continued, "spiderwebs are also used to symbolize control and manipulation. the idea of taking a doll, and giving it that life, but still having that power over it... it's very compelling to me. to make it look like something that could move and walk all on its own, only to trap it. it would only be considered trapped if it was capable of moving on its own in the first place, wouldn't it?"

"i guess so."

"and yet, the doll is smiling. i'd like to think that, even if its head is mostly empty, it can enjoy the situation. maybe it has no choice but to enjoy the situation."

"does it count as enjoyment if you don't have a choice?"

"if the feeling is real, why wouldn't it?" they took a sip of their tea. "of course, i am only talking about dolls here. you can really imagine them however you'd like. it is not the same for actual people, obviously."

he didn't think the sorts of pictures he took completely on a whim could have that much meaning to someone. it was a strange concept, too. he wasn't sure he fully understood what they meant by it. were the dolls supposed to be like actual people with their own feelings, or not?

he sipped his own tea. it was nice, probably chamomile, although he didn't have tea very often and hadn't tried very many varieties, so he wasn't confident in that assessment. as he recalled, a lot of teas marketed for relaxation had chamomile in them, so it could have been mixed with something else.

it struck him, very suddenly, how much they had been urging him to relax and get comfortable. he glanced back up at them, and realized they had been staring at him the entire time.

well, that wasn't actually weird. they were just better at making eye contact than he was. it only felt like staring to him.

just when he wondered whether he should say something, they turned away. "ah, look who's finally awake."

a small, black cat trotted over to them, rubbing against their outstretched hand.

"this is my shadow beast, or shadow, for short," they said.

it was a cute cat. he watched as they scratched its head, cooing at it in a tone that wasn't actually very different from their normal speaking voice. a bit softer, maybe. sort of how they sounded earlier, when they told him not to think of this as a job.

they looked back at jim. "i always have to keep the doll room closed, because if i don't, he will knock everything over. he's quite a troublemaker sometimes..."

"cats love to be in places they're not supposed to be."

"it's true. he usually runs over the instant he hears me open the door. but, he must have been sleeping quite deeply today."

he reached his own hand out, urging shadow over, and letting him sniff it before gently petting him.

"would you be willing to come back and do this again?"

the cat rubbed against his hand, trying to pull it closer to him with his paw.

it was sort of unfair of them to ask something like that while he was petting such a sweet cat.

"i guess so."

"not as a job, of course. actually, i've enjoyed just talking with you like this."

"thank you, i'm glad. i mean, i've enjoyed it, too."

"i'd like to be friends."

their straightforwardness had caught him off guard. he didn't think people usually just went out and said something like that. then again, he wasn't sure when the last time he had made a new friend was.

"we can be friends."

it became a regular thing, visiting their house, taking pictures, sitting at the table and talking. even as he got to know them better, they still seemed sort of mysterious to him.

maybe he liked their quirks, though. he didn't feel pressured to act normal around them. besides that, it made his visits a bit more interesting and unpredictable.

the photoshoots didn't always involve spiderwebs, although they often had some form of bondage or some theme of getting stuck. it didn't feel like adrianus was pushing him in that direction - they had always given him other options and thrown some more normal suggestions out there, and when he went for those instead, they never seemed disappointed, or anything.

but, it was sort of just practical to have props that held the doll in place. they could stand and sit on their own if you positioned them correctly, but there was always the risk of knocking them over, or placing them in a way that wasn't balanced well enough.

it was notable how good adrianus was at tying them up. the only part that seemed like a puzzle for them was taking into account the ball joints. even as they had gotten closer as friends, he didn't feel like asking about it. it didn't feel relevant, anyway.

but he had asked, at one point, about the featureless work-in-progress doll that he saw on their desk, which had remained in the exact same unfinished state weeks after his first visit.

"ah, yes. i wasn't sure what to do with that one. i've had an idea for a while, but... i'm not sure about it."

"what is it?"

"i thought about modeling it after you. but i wasn't going to do that without asking, even if it might have been fun to see your reaction."

"why would you want to model it after me? i don't think i'd make a particularly good doll."

they almost laughed, the kind of sound you make when you just quickly breathe out. "well, perhaps that's exactly why. i like having a bit of variety, and i don't normally see dolls who look like you."

admittedly, he was curious how it would look. "i mean, i don't really care if you do that."

"so i have your permission?"

"you do."

"thank you. i may start that tonight, then."

it probably should have been more unsettling to him. someone having a doll that looks like you was just one of those stereotypically creepy things.

it didn't feel very sinister coming from them, though.

still, he thought a bit about their relationship to dolls during that photography session. he noticed, particularly when zooming in with the camera, the delicate way they handled them. there were a few times that he actually asked them to keep their hands in the shot, because he liked it better that way. of course, it helped that they had long, slender fingers, and their nails were always clean. but they could make the slightest, most subtle adjustments to the poses. it was that gentleness and level of control that really stood out to him.

it reminded him of the conversation they had before, about what these pictures represented to them. maybe it really was about control. the kind of control that takes care and effort. the kind of control that requires you to know and respect the limits of something.

to jim, control was always about what you didn't do, what you couldn't do. it was only when he compared himself to them that he realized he had never had much control at all.

they were excited to show him the doll they modeled after him once it was done, and he wasn't quite prepared for how odd of an experience it would be.

it was recognizably him. the strange thing was the expression. it wasn't smiling - which made sense, because he didn't tend to smile much himself. but it had a sort of dreamy look to it. it didn't look tired, the way he always looked in the mirror, or the way he must have looked in public whenever people asked him if he was alright, it looked sleepy. the way he might have looked wrapping himself in sheets fresh from the dryer. he didn't think it was an expression adrianus had ever seen him make.

and, maybe it was just because it was a doll, but it felt... empty. like there was nothing behind the eyes at all, not even the illusion of it.

was this how they saw him? or maybe how they wanted him to be?

"what do you think?" they asked. "it's not too late for me to make some little changes, if there's something you don't like about it."

he stared at it for a bit longer before answering. "you did a good job," he finally said, "it's just... what sort of... emotion is this supposed to be?"

"it's meant to look relaxed and happy. i like for all of my dolls to look like they're feeling good."

he remembered the thing they said about dolls having no choice but to enjoy something. it felt a bit weirder when the doll was meant to be him.

"i can change it, if it makes you uncomfortable."

did it make him uncomfortable? he wasn't sure what he was feeling. "it's fine," he said.

"would it be too strange to take some pictures of it?" they asked.

"no, i think we should. you worked hard on it."

the photos themselves were fine, but it was the process of setting them up that was different. for one thing, something about his doll made it much worse at standing or sitting up on its own than the others, so they had to be extra careful to make sure it wouldn't just slump over. that meant even more support and attention from adrianus than usual, and watching them hold and lift a small, limp body that resembled his was a bizarre experience, unlike anything he had ever felt before.

it might have been easier if they had used props to keep it in place, but adrianus hadn't even suggested using the webs or ribbon or any other sort of bondage this time, and jim wasn't going to suggest it himself. neither of them liked the look of doll stands, either.

the other thing was the way they had referred to the doll. they would say things like, "oh, you're slumping over again," and, "let me just fix your hair," and, "should i pose you like this?" as if the doll was him. it was a subtle thing, but the more he heard it, the more embarrassing it became.

he was aware they could have stopped, and in fact, they said it would be easy for them to repurpose the doll completely if he decided he wasn't comfortable with it anymore. even during the session, they continued to check up on him, asking if he was alright, asking if he wanted to continue. he said yes, every single time.

there was just something so interesting about it. he couldn't stop looking at it. it gave him some feeling he couldn't identify, something vague, something he didn't have the words for.

adrianus was actually the one to tell him to stop and put down the camera. "it will just be a moment," they said. "i'm just curious about something."

they told him to sit down, and they were strangely particular about it, urging him to lean back and not to stay on the edge of the seat. maybe they just wanted him to take a break, he thought. either way, he listened and did as he was directed.

they also sat down, right in front of him, and held the doll. "i just want you to watch this. if anything about this is too strange, or uncomfortable, i want you to let me know, and i will stop."

he nodded, even if he couldn't imagine what exactly could have warranted the reminder.

"i'm just going to pet your head now," they said, their voice slow, and soft. he watched as they gently ran their finger over the doll's hair. "how is that?"

they had his full attention. it felt good to watch, sort of... tingly. "that's nice," he said quietly, without thinking.

they continued to stroke its hair, with such small, delicate movements. their other hand held it up, a finger rested on the chin, preventing the head from falling. the doll's strange, glassy, vacant eyes stared back at him.

"you know," they murmured, "you look a bit like the doll right now. that expression..."

"do i?" he asked, not even glancing at their face.

"yes. how do you feel?"

he felt... sort of strange. he was very relaxed. "good," he heard himself say.

he blinked a few times, straightening himself up a bit. "i..."

"is everything alright?"

"it's fine, it's just... i'm kind of..." it was weirdly difficult to find the words. "i feel sort of tired and out of it, i guess."

they paused. "do you want to go and have some tea?"

"no, no, it's just..."

"it's alright," they said, touching the doll's hair again. he almost shivered. "it's alright to just relax, you know. i don't mind it if you're a little tired..."

he sank back into the chair.

"that's right..." they lightly scratched its scalp. "you look like you're slumping over a bit, too..."

he could have sworn that his body became a bit weaker when they said that. "am i?"

"just like the doll," they said.

chills ran down his spine. he sank back a bit more.

"very interesting." he heard them laugh quietly to themself. they positioned the doll upright. "now, sit back up. i don't want you to fall out of your chair."

he sat back up, his eyes widening.

"that is all. i just wanted to do a little experiment. how are you feeling now? a bit more alert?"

"yeah..." he blinked. his face was warm. he didn't feel that tingling sensation anymore, but he seemed very sensitive. "that was... that was interesting."

"it was."

"i guess it was like... asmr, basically. and that... what was it, the mirror neurons thing?"

they carefully set down his doll on the table behind them, out of his sight. "i suppose you could call it that."

"is there something else you'd call it?"

"trance, hypnosis, suggestibility. something more like that."

hypnosis? "all i did was watch you pet a doll."

"oh?" they put their hand back on the table. "then i suppose it wouldn't do anything to you if i did it again."

he stared, his heart beating faster.

"i'm only joking."

jim was silent for a moment. it was almost disappointing - no, unsatisfying. unfair. it wasn't that he wanted anything to happen, he just expected it. it was anticlimactic.

"i understand," they finally said, "that it was a fun little experiment. but, let's discuss that another time. i want to be sure we're on the same page, first."

"and we can't discuss it now?"

"let's make sure you're thinking clearly first, jim." they stood up. "shall we have some tea with caffeine in it, this time?"

"that's fine."

he had felt bothered by the idea that he wasn't thinking clearly earlier, but after being out of the room and talking with them normally for a while, he did have to admit that he was feeling much more like himself. the strange tiredness had mostly faded away.

the tea was good, too. it was similar to coffee. they had even made some tea sandwiches, going through all the trouble of cutting them up into perfect rectangles.

"i do apologize for earlier," adrianus said. "you just seemed so focused on the doll. i wanted to test that focus. i didn't realize you would react so strongly to it."

"it's fine, i mean, like i said, you didn't really even do anything."

"how do you feel about it now?"

"about what?"

"the way you felt. the things i said to you."

even thinking about it threatened to make his back tingle. "it was... i guess it was kind of intense. i've listened to asmr before, and it was kind of like that, but... i don't know."

"i know it must have been a very vulnerable feeling. being made to experience something like that in front of someone could feel violating."

"it didn't feel that way at all. i guess it was a little embarrassing... but it was... i mean, it was good."

"that's good. i enjoy talking and behaving in a way that others might find hypnotic, but, i feel i must be careful not to cross a line."

they always had been polite to him. more than they needed to be. it felt like they were always holding themself back.

he'd never really considered that they might have had some of the same anxieties he did, even though in retrospect, it felt obvious.

"you can be as hypnotic with me as you want," he said. "i'm not bothered by it."

they seemed to relax a bit, laughing in a way that was almost like a low rumble. "are you really sure about that?"

"i am."

they leaned forward. "even if it becomes difficult to tell which of your thoughts are your own? even if it becomes difficult to think of anything at all, sometimes?"

"yes," he said. they seemed to be joking and playing it up a little, but he answered in full seriousness.

"even if i'm able to turn you into a helpless little doll with just a few words, or a motion?"

his head started to feel fuzzy. "yes."

they backed up. "let's discuss this over text, later. and you can be the one to initiate the conversation."

"i really do mean it."

"i'd like to remove as much of the pressure as possible."

more than anything, he wanted to see the real them. he wanted to see what they were like when they were comfortable, when they could express themself freely.

maybe he also wanted to feel that tingling sensation again, just a little bit.

he spent a lot of time that night staring at one of the pictures he had taken, of the doll that looked like him, slumping over in adrianus' hands.

he had no choice but to enjoy it.