There is no place I would rather be less than here. None. Everyone here eyes me with suspicion.

Nobody trusts that a monster isn't in league with her summoner. It doesn't matter that I've already testified against her. It doesn't matter that she hurt me, too.

All that matters is I'm a monster.

To even get into the hearing room, I'm subject to "heightened screening procedures". Me and Rax both. It's pretext. Everything here is pretext.

From the moment you step foot onto these grounds, every guard sees you as theirs — even when you've done nothing wrong.

The pretext of goodness.

I grit my teeth and bear it. I remember that Desdemona staying in jail is the goal. I'll sacrifice some measure of dignity for it because that's important. Showing up is important.

I refuse to be the reason that she's back in the world.

And, for the hundredth time today, I think of Tiana.

My mind whirls with questions I've no answers to: Will she be here today? Will she be cordial and cold to me? What if she wants me back?

I have to say 'no', right?

"It's gonna be fine," Rax whispers.

"Huh?"

"Nothing. I was—" Rax sighs, shoots me a sheepish grin. "I was talking to myself."

I hate seeing him scared. He's Rax. He doesn't rattle easily.

I'm the fuck up in our friendship. I take his hand and I give it a gentle squeeze the way he did for me back at Tiana's office. It's a small thing to do, but it brightens his mood somewhat.

It vanishes when a guard shoulder checks him.

"Inmate," the guard says, pantomiming a tip of an imaginary hat. Terror and rage in equal measure contort Rax's normally serene, happy face.

Pretext.

I drag Rax away before the situation can escalate, even as I want to rain hellfire on that bastard — whoever he is — for what he just did.

It's been almost thirty minutes from the moment we entered by the time we take a seat and wait. We got here early because Rax and I aren't idiots: we knew it'd be a shitshow just walking in here.

The night before, we had a party. Just a little gathering to get us in a good mood for today.

Lis was there again.

She's become a fixture since I ended things with Tiana. Despite drinking at her bar, she and I had never been close. Or, well... she'd always been far closer with Rax.

I pressed him about it once, certain there was a story there.

He just shrugged. "Tolerates me, I guess."

Having Lis and Rax around's made the aftermath less shitty. I wish Lis was here right now. She knows Rax better than I do. She'd be able to comfort the hurt I know he's hiding in his eyes.

For whatever reason, I've never been able to reach him like that. He thinks he's a big brother to me.

He is. It sucks that we're the same age. At least he can't lord his vast years of experience over me — which he would do, if he wasn't silently losing it next to me.

I hate seeing him all fucked up, knowing that any moment Desdemona's going to stride into the goddamn room and blow this all apart.

The Parole Board files in a few minutes later, along with a few other people. I keep my eyes on the entrance we went through, waiting for Tiana to arrive.

I don't know if I want her here. It's already bad enough with one ex in the room. Except... except Tiana and I weren't together. We just fucked.

I have to keep reminding myself that that's all it was: something illicit, and carnal, and not anything worth crying over.

My suit — the only one I have that makes me feel powerful, and that fits me well — feels too tight on my body. The dress shirt's collar is a noose, threatening to choke me.

It gets worse when she steps into the room. Tiana's here.

She doesn't look my way.

I don't expect her to, but it still cuts like a dagger. She takes a seat far away from me and Rax, too. I didn't want her to sit close. Still, though, part of me wants to walk over.

Wants to be cordial.

Pretext.

There's a brief introductory segment from the Board, explaining why we're here and announcing that they'll be reviewing the case of Desdemona Lane Harris.

And then Desdemona's being brought into the room and my heartrate skyrockets. Next to me, Rax lets out a short, sharp exhale of breath.

Even manacled with magic suppressing gauntlets and a power suppressing muzzle on her face, Desdemona looks fearsome to me.

I try to focus on the human aspects: she's gaunter than I last remember seeing her, and years in prison have aged her a lot. Her light auburn hair has streaks of gray in it.

She looks almost pitiable standing there. Gone is the woman who summoned me. In her place is a broken down thing, destroyed by a system of cruelty that I know all too well, and I feel the stirring in my heart of something like sympathy.

I want to forgive her, even now.

Even when I'm scared.

As she's brought forward, she glances once over in my direction, though, and I want to break through the wall behind. I want to run. There's no part of confronting her like this that's easy.

Honestly? It'd be easier if we were just allowed to fight. My brawn versus her magic. I won that way once.

"Miss Harris," says one of the parole board members, gesturing for her to have a seat. She complies. She glances over her shoulder, and I'm worried she's going to look at me and Rax. She doesn't. She stares at Tiana for a long moment, furrowing her brow.

She looks confused as to why Tiana's here.

"If you're ready, Miss Harris," the same board member says, this time his tone a bit sharp.

Desdemona clears her throat. "I am," her voice — low, rich, and smooth — hits my ear and it's like no time has passed at all.

I'm thrown backward, ten years ago, into memories I wish I could forget.