I know you will see these words first. Read this away from everyone else, including Adelaide, doll.

My dear, sweet doll Nadia,

I’d like to start by commending you. You may not feel as though you’ve done anything worthy of commendation, and certainly we do still need to address your transgressions, but I can assure you: I am most pleased. You are strong and courageous, my dear, and have utterly astonished me with how deeply your devotion to me truly runs. Hearing how far you went in search of my forgiveness; so, so far… it is true I told you to be cautious, darling, but that was for your own well-being rather than my peace of mind. Now, you didn’t do as you were told, which isn’t the proper way for dolls to behave, but I want you to know that I am far more impressed than angry. You’ve shown me that you can handle what true love demands, even if you don’t think you can.

There is much to discuss. I do wish all of my words today could be happy, doll, but they’re not. Sit down as you’re reading this. I do not want you to further disobey me by fainting from shock.

You need to get out of my parents’ house immediately. Not tomorrow, not in an hour, literally the moment you are finished with my letter. Their intentions towards you may seem kind, but the longer they keep you there, the more likely they are to learn of my whereabouts. I’ll die before I allow them to come find me — or, more sickeningly yet, send after me that nauseating figure they’re so intent on marrying me to.

Read these lines very, very carefully Nadia: You are broken, yes. But you are still beautiful, and I will mend you and make you even more so; like fabric scraps bound into a majestic quilt. And clearly, the only rational approach for achieving this is for you to move in with me, at the academy, as my assistant. No. As my assistant, and as my doll.

I’m sure I don’t need to explain my reasoning for this. You can’t stay at your house, nor mine, nor Miss Winters’. Unless you’ve been keeping secrets from me, which is expressly against our ground rules, you don’t have anywhere else to go. There is still so much for you to learn, and I worry that without me there to observe your every move and guide you with a firmer hand, your education will deteriorate and our growing connection will be in jeopardy. I need to be with you, Nadia. I need to be with you every day, every hour, to guide you in the right direction. This is the only way.

You express concern over my associates not liking you; trust me on everything, but especially this: my classmates will adore you! I have been raving to them about you this entire semester, and they’ve all been looking forward to meeting you — especially the ones who’ve particularly taken to my defiling. Naturally, I’ve already told them you will be staying with me soon, so I would appreciate you not making a liar out of me.

You will be fed, granted a small allowance, and given a warm bed and shelter, all in exchange for assisting me in my endeavors, which would include serving as a sort of item for my enchantment. Your body will become that of a doll’s, in nearly every sense of the term. Perhaps you believe this would be solely for practical or academic purposes, but that is simply not the case. I can assure you that all of my efforts over the past few months have been in anticipation for this: your permanent transformation into my perfect life companion.

Instead of forced marriage to the suitor that my parents selected for me, and instead of the endless toil your family has attempted to condemn you to, let’s choose a different life: one life, together. This might feel foolish, or too sudden, but I can assure you: this is normal. The miserable fates we stand to leave behind are the kind that are abnormal. I escaped, and now it’s time for you to as well. You might feel like your life is aimless now, but I will grant you a new purpose. You will continue sewing, which I know well you’ve been heartily enjoying, and you’ll soon foray into other similar crafts: crochet, knitting, and leatherworking (which you’ll no doubt learn has more practical applications than mere aesthetics). You’ll never have to worry about lifting another heavy object, for your body will exist for our relationship and my studies only.

In the longer term, my dissertation will be about the process of turning you into a literal doll. Your corporeal body will remain as a spare, should I require it, but you will truly live as my doll — not just in name, but in practice. Artifacts of extraordinary power will be the foundation. Crafts of all sorts will serve as your muscle, bone, sinew, and flesh, each and every component thoroughly saturated with enchantments. I shall design and redesign you until you are as perfect as a doll can possibly be. Only you can do this for me, doll. If that sounds foreboding to you, I can assure you it’s far less worrisome than whatever other subpar options are available to you now. You can and will get through this, and from this adversity shall emerge a diamond. I will be here with you, doll (as will Adelaide — but mostly me). I will guide you through every moment. You will be safe. You will be mine. I love you. I love you. I love you.

These are my requests

No.

These are my orders.

And we both know you can’t say no to me now, doll.

Enclosed is the item I promised you — a pendant — which shall signify our love. There is no doubt in my mind: you are ready. Put it on and whisk yourself to me, doll. I’ve never much liked the practice of using rings to show devotion. Too subtle; I’m sure you understand. An ornate necklace that more strikingly depicts the nature of our mutual devotion, on the other hand? Magnificent. I look forward to seeing you with it on. Truly, I think you’ll be at your most beautiful whilst wearing it.

Finally, do not tell anyone about this. Not to protect our love, please understand, but to protect your safety. Adelaide already knows to accompany you when you go — you needn’t explain.

I trust you’re reading these words with the utmost love and sincerity.

your Witch, now and forever,

Sorceress Carmilla

My Witch Carmilla,

Not yet. I’m not doing that yet, but I will. You did something to me, and You made it so I couldn’t even figure out what (which doesn’t matter, because I am only a doll — only Your doll). Fuck this! Please read between the lines, my Witch! Please let me go on and get ready for longer, my Witch! This shit is not what I signed up for but as Your doll I of course feel totally fine with it! I’m serious! Please listen to me, my Witch!

Please don’t send me another letter for now, my Witch. Because if You do, I’m going to get it. And if I get it, I’m going to open it. And if I open it, I’m going to read it. And if I read it, I’ll get Your orders. And if I get Your orders, I will obey them, I will obey Your orders without question and to the letter, always and forever Your loyal doll. I will never do anything but obey You. I’m only barely holding on to my hesitation. Not hesitation, hesitation! FUCK

Please call Miss Winters off while I finish preparing myself for You, my Witch! I can’t cry for help but I’ll figure out something! Please never speak to me again until I’m ready, my Witch!

Your doll,

Nadia

Millie,

Please just disregard that other letter I sent you entirely. Not sure at all what was going on in my head when I wrote it. I was upset, of course, but why wouldn’t I be upset these days? My life’s a joke, and I’m the punchline. While waiting for your most recent message, I got kicked out of a second family home — yours, this time — and only barely managed to grovel my way back into the one run by my grandma (who’s still notably pissed off at me, but also can’t turn down my skilled labor this time of year). You’d send an angry, maybe even unhinged letter to your awesome best friend in my shoes, wouldn’t you? Well, probably not, because you’re so suave and self-controlled. Always calm under pressure. I admire that in a person. Have I ever mentioned how much I like you, Millie?

Twelve days: that’s how long I was able to give your folks the runaround regarding your whereabouts before they finally lost patience and told me to go kick rocks. I knew your parents were vile, but holy shit. They were threatening to press kidnapping charges against me by the end of it, Millie! Imagine that: me kidnapping you, rather than the other way around. Hilarious! We both know I’m going to skip town and come live with you at your sorceress school any day now — too bad for your folks they still don’t have a damn clue about that. Maybe they’ll find out eventually, when you become an amazing, world-famous Witch drowning in popularity and riches… I’m not sure I mind one way or the other. You can decide, actually! But I’ve been loyal. I’ve been good for you. Will you write to me and tell me I’ve been good for you? Please?

I’m going to come live with you soon; any day now, even. Just have some things I want to take care of first. Like my family affairs, for example: getting even with granny dearest and her enabler-in-chief, my dad. Right now I’m simply biding my time, working at the smithy like normal, not picking fights or slacking off or anything like that. Just being the picture-perfect obedient young woman they’ve had banging hammers on iron since she was tall enough to see the top of the anvil. This way, it’ll really hurt when out of nowhere I sneak off in the middle of the night, baggage in hand and your pendant around my neck, to come join you as your assistant — and maybe never see my family ever again. Is it bad that I kind of want to hurt them? It’s not bad, right? Please tell me it’s not.

I keep procrastinating on putting on the pendant, because things have to be just right for me to put it on, because it’s obviously so important for us and our relationship. I’m going to do it, naturally, just later, not now, not yet. I really want to savor the anticipation, all that build-up, you know? Because once I put it on, there’s no going back. The moment’s got to be perfect, absolutely perfect. Someday soon, it will be, I can guarantee you that!

Here’s something that might amuse you: Adelaide keeps dropping by the smithy and trying to drag little old me over to the Lilac Pheasant in the middle of the day. Call me crazy, Millie, but I think the comely Miss Winters might have an eye for yours truly! She keeps wanting to talk about “practicing” something… kissing, if I had to guess. I can’t imagine what else! I don’t know how I’m going to break it to her that I’m already spoken for, but rest assured I’ll do it eventually. Well, maybe I’ll journey over to your school to come live with you first. Or wait, isn’t Adelaide coming with me on that trip? I’m not sure. I can’t remember, to be honest; I swear, sometimes it’s like I’m living in a dense, endless fog. I’ve been trying to stay away from Adelaide, and also not think about her. Thinking about her hurts. My family's been keeping her away from me these days, probably because they’ve seen how much it hurts me to look at her. Let’s change the subject.

I’m quite inclined to climb onto a horse and ride all the way over to your campus way up north so we can start spending the rest of our lives together, believe me, but I can’t yet, because I’m still making your surprise gift. It’s almost done! Adelaide isn’t helping me work on it anymore, but it’s fine, I can finish it on my own and I’d prefer not to think about Adelaide anymore if we’re being honest. I’d much rather think about you! Thinking about you doesn’t hurt. It’s sometimes challenging, but the challenge is always worth it. I wish Adder Creek had gone differently, you know? Like maybe if I’d said the right thing instead of the wrong thing I could have gone with you to sorceress school as your assistant from the get-go, rather than making good my escape from Amberfield to join you there now. Still working on that, by the way, I should probably mention. It’s just a matter of sorting out the little details, tying up loose ends — you know how it is.

The biggest loose end is that I don’t love you yet, somehow. Still stumped there! You’re basically perfect, and my destiny is to be your assistant and live with you at your school, so who knows why that’s not adding up. I know the pendant will help me love you, but I like the challenge of trying to figure out love on my own. That challenge is too much fun to give up now. I’m not giving up. I’m never giving up. I’m holding out, even though it’s excruciating. Unbearable. Literally driving me insane. But that’s fine, because I’m taking all the time I need! I’m not ready yet, not ready yet for anything, and I can just keep on living my usual way in the meantime: smithing during the day, and trying not to think about Adelaide at night. I’ll get to where I need to go eventually. Why rush? I’m taking it sloooooow. Slow like village life here in Amberfield, the tiny little town I know I’m going to leave one day, never to return.

Soon. But not yet!

Your Nadia

Well Carmilla,

Credit where it’s due — I’ve tried my absolute best to wriggle out of this trap you’ve put me in, and I’ve failed. Go ahead and toss out the other two letters I sent you: as of today, they’re officially moot. At this point I couldn’t live a normal life even if I wanted one; there’s simply no making sense out of my own mind anymore. I’m not smart enough to put the pieces of it back together all by myself, and asking for help would be disloyal to you, meaning it’s literally unthinkable. I'm not much for chess, but I still know checkmate when I see it. It's over. You win.

Things are impossibly confusing. Every couple of hours I'll randomly start crying out of nowhere, and stop just as quickly a minute or two later. People have been watching me slowly break down, unable to reach out and offer help because they’ve got no idea what to say and I can’t give them one. My family has completely given up on trying to understand (I think my mom would still be trying, actually, but that's cold comfort and nothing more). Barely anyone talks to me at the counter. Every few days Dr. West comes over to check on me and ask me questions and I just lie, and lie, and lie. I’m tired of lying. I’m tired of being an unfinished doll, Carmilla. I’m going to put your pendant on in a minute, but the Nadia you fell in love with while we were growing up wants to say goodbye to you first.

Guess where I am? Why, Adder Creek, of course. It all comes back here, really: what I said, how I said it, how you took it, what you’d one day do to change it. Was it my turning you down that led you to take up magic, Carmilla? Or was it just the best chance you had of escaping your piece of shit joke of a “fiancé”? Knowing you, probably both, right? You can tell me if you’d like — I’m curious — but I know full well I’m not in any position to make requests, let alone demands. Just something to consider, if you care about my feelings the way I hope you will.

Maybe I sound bitter. More than anything, I’m relieved. I’ve never been a fighter, Carmilla, you know that. Gentle, cooperative, trusting Nadia wasn’t built for fighting back. She was always meant to serve, and now she finally gets to ditch the masters she was raised by to go be with her one true owner, once and for all. I made myself so miserable waging this desperate war for my own agency I always knew (and even repeatedly admitted!) I was going to lose. What a fucking waste. From this point on, no more wasted time — ever.

I suppose this is it. I’m counting on you, Carmilla. You’re claiming me as yours, permanently, so you’d better take damn good care of me. Whatever you let me hold on to, I’ll be grateful for, and anything you take away for keeps, well… I’m sure you’ll have good reasons. You really do love me, after all. I was about to add “maybe too much”, but fuck it, there’s no reason to hold back anymore, is there?

The pendant’s coming on. Here we go.

This is love.

This is what love is.

Wow. Pretty damn sure I didn’t have this before, but thank the stars above I have it now. Better late than never.

Oh, Carmilla. Carmilla, I love you. Finally, fucking finally, I love you and I really mean it and I know that I mean it and I finally get to feel it!

Holy shit. Holy shit, I need to get back to Amberfield. To Adelaide — Miss Winters. To the Lilac Pheasant. I’m finally ready for the rest, for everything I’ve been missing out on. We've got to set up the practice room, oh, thank goodness! You don’t know how badly I’ve been aching to go back to the practice room, my darling!

I’m dropping this letter off as soon as I get back to town, and then I’m going to ask Miss Winters to finish up your doll. We’ll send word when it’s ready.

Love,

your doll Nadia

this one’s beloved Witch, Mistress Thornbriar,

this one writes to You to wholeheartedly accept its rightful place at Your service. The letters it sent earlier this month were uppity and undignified; it humbly asks that You destroy them, and forgive this one for its mistakes (this one will also accept any punishment You deem appropriate, of course). Mistress Thornbriar, at long last, this doll is Yours, Yours, Yours — for real, this time!

this one has had the most exhilarating week of its life. Miss Winters provided this one with thorough, comprehensive training on how to serve You as Your doll; this included putting away certain things that used to belong to this one. Miss Winters explained, without promising, that returning said things to this one is on the table (and the decision is entirely Yours). this one humbly asks its Mistress Thornbriar to seriously consider doing this, because it will motivate Your doll to do its best for You. Have no doubt that this one will serve You faithfully regardless of Your choice.

Unfortunately, this one’s training was only reasonably going to take place in a rented space. this one’s savings are almost gone — the vast majority of the money was spent on overnight stays at the Lilac Pheasant. Miss Winters and this one have held onto enough to pay for our upcoming travel to Your academy and postage for this letter (plus the attached package), but aside from that we’re flat broke. this one will do whatever it needs to do to get by in the meantime, because it can’t be sure it will be offered the chance to earn an income when it goes back to (temporarily, thank this one’s Witch!) staying with its birth family. Miss Winters and this one will be ready to leave within an hour of receiving Your confirmation that we’re welcome by Your side, in spite of this one’s near-inexcusable failure to adjust to its new role in a timely fashion.

Above all else, this one wishes to thank You for patiently teaching it the true meaning of love. it was never going to figure it all out on its own; that’s embarrassingly obvious, looking back on things. Maybe this one would’ve even gone its entire life without experiencing the heart-pounding bliss it feels, worshiping the Woman it was meant for in all ways. Was that the horrible fate it was fighting for so desperately, back when it was resisting? You’re truly kind to accept such a fool for a doll, Mistress Thornbriar, kind beyond measure. this one will make sure You don’t regret it. Oh — this one has developed an abiding affection for Miss Winters, too! Mostly out of gratitude for helping this one finally achieve its true purpose, sure, but she really is a fine lady all-around. Now, mind, that affection isn’t even close to what this one feels for You every moment of every day, and looks forward to enjoying for the rest of its blessed existence. Miss Winters also reassured this one that its fondness for her (which it’s overjoyed to add Miss Winters feels for it in return!) is compatible with Your wishes, and specifically mentioned her “one-third stake”. this one thinks it understands, but humbly asks that You explain a little more, just in case its assumptions are incorrect.

Now, hopefully it held up in the mail, but please tell this one You’re enjoying what is without a doubt the greatest thing it’s ever created, period: a customized, feature-packed, masterpiece quality Witch’s robe! Crushed velvet exterior with a fine silk lining, tasteful vine-themed detail work along the skirt, dedicated wand pocket, hidden inner pouches for alchemical reagents, poisons, secret messages, material components, the knife this one made for You, whatever You please! this one also repurposed some of the leftover material into a reinforced travel bag, so You can carry it with confidence anywhere. Dozens and dozens of hours went into the making of this garment, Mistress Thornbriar, all with the joyful understanding that it would comfort and protect You always. In fact, You can’t see it from the outside, but this one learned a special sewing technique from its Aunt Nessa just for this project: You see, Miss Winters generously provided this one with some “warding thread”, which indeed was used to stitch together the entire piece — but also, those subtle vertical folds you can see in the velvet conceal extra lines of enchanted thread, which add a crazy amount of both physical and magical resilience to this thing! Not bad, huh? It should’ve been ready for You far sooner, just like this one, but this one sincerely hopes You’ll enjoy it all the same. You have no idea how much it would mean to see You wearing it as Miss Winters and this one arrive at Your academy!

There’s so much more to say, but it can all wait until we’re finally reunited. You and this one, Mistress Thornbriar. Witch and doll, bonded to each other forever, bravely pushing the boundaries of modern sorcery, dazzling Your associates and professors, terrorizing the campus practice room together, ooh, this one can’t wait! You still want this one, right? this one didn’t lose its chance to be with you by talking back earlier, did it? Because if it did… if it did…

…there’s nothing else left for it now…

…which is why Your eager doll humbly asks that You send it Your reply as soon as You can!!!

With gratitude, humility, and all the love in the world,

Your doll

P.S. My apologies for the delays. We’re clear to proceed. — A.W.

Oh, Nadia.

Do you really think this obvious ploy will work on me? After all the cruel, awful things you wrote to me in your earlier replies… you want me to forget about them, to simply pretend they never happened? You even dare feign having forgotten them yourself? Well, how convenient for you! How could you play with my heart like this, Nadia?! How could I possibly forgive your vile words, your seething resentment carved so viciously into that parchment, stabbing me in the heart again with every new sentence…

I always knew you were bitter towards me. Jealous that I was able to leave Amberfield while you were still trapped there, toiling away at immiserating hard labor with no plausible way out. You encouraged me to follow my dreams, to make something of myself, but you secretly wanted me to just fuck it all up, didn’t you? To completely fall apart, and thus prove that I was foolish to take charge of my own fate? And to suffer this misfortune while I’m far away from you, so you won’t have to feel haunted by me, naturally! I might be the one studying witchcraft, but in all honesty, I think you might be the witch between the two of us, Nadia.

It’s patently obvious that your “wholehearted acceptance” of dollhood is a mockery of my deeply held adoration for you. That you would pretend at granting me the heaven on earth I’ve yearned for my entire life sickens me. And even if you are somehow serious about serving at my side now, when it’s far too late to convince me of your alleged sincerity, I’m not taking you back. Why would I? Do you think I need you, Nadia? Do I come off as that pathetically desperate? You need me far more than I need you — but unfortunately for you, I’m no longer an option. I wish you well, Nadia, in finding a new purpose for your life. Goodbye, and good riddance.

…

Ha! I merely jest, My sweet doll. I could never get rid of you, even if I wanted to. Imagining your expression reading that message brought the most wicked smile to My face. I am not angry; I simply wished to play with My new toy a bit. you don’t mind, do you? No, of course you don’t.

you know, I do hope you didn’t cry whilst reading that. Please conserve your tears for now: I would much prefer to taste your sorrow in person.

Anyway! This time, in earnest:

My beautiful, adoring, devoted doll,

Reading the last of your four letters, I felt as though My heart had burst from joy, adoration, and pride for what I’ve made of you. I will admit, for a while I was unsure if you would ever return to me — “perhaps I’ve scared this poor doll off for good after all,” I thought to Myself. But I know you too well, doll. you would never leave. you will never leave. Because this life, here, with Me, is where you belong.

I immediately put your cloak on. I don’t know how to describe it with words. This dutiful gift of yours makes Me feel utterly divine, enchanted, transcendent. Truly, I’ve known that I own you for so long now, but you have made Me feel like a living Goddess. your Goddess. doll, you have completely outdone yourself. I can feel all of your emotions on this cloak; every ounce of fear, anguish, disgust, and fury from your old life, and how it all then shifts into sheer glee, worship, and excitement to serve Me. I even dare say I still feel the warmth and moisture of your delicious sweat, proof of the physical and emotional exertion you endured for Me. Ah, what a wonderful feeling! you have truly blessed Me, and you may rest assured you will continue to do so. I will mold you into a perfect doll. doll will become all of you. The girl I knew as nadia shall soon be gone forever; I will simply remove her last traces from My doll. But yes, the cloak; I have already begun walking around with everything necessary for My coursework in the pockets. When you arrive, I’ll begin carrying around some tools for maintaining My doll, as well. There’s no telling when we might need to have some mending or alterations to your wardrobe done. (Don’t worry, I will also carry your sewing supplies, as well. Ah, the plans I have for how to use them…)

How amusing that you ultimately embraced your fate at Adder Creek. If I were to have proposed for your hand in marriage, surely I would have done it in that fateful spot, just as I first asked for your hand in romance. By traveling there to accept My love and fully commit to reciprocating it, whatever it takes, you have done exactly as I wished, doll. Moreover, the administration has taken such a liking to Me (I can’t write too much about it at present; you’ll soon see what I mean) that I’ve been granted the honor of bestowing a name on the campus herb garden, which previously did not have one.

I chose the name Adder Meadows. you like that name, don’t you, doll? Feel no need to answer that. I already know you do.

I am singing these words as I write them. I know you can’t hear My songs of love for you yet, but you will, soon. Before long, the only thing you will be worried about is serving Me. Being My doll. Learning obedience. Worshipping Me at every opportunity, without a moment’s hesitation. We’ll go on romantic walks, and I’ll show off how beautiful My doll is on them. Perhaps an associate might ask to play dress up or whatnot with you; please be assured no one will do anything to you unless I say so. You will be protected under My command. We’ll enjoy everything together. You’ll experience the world through Me. Oh, how I look forward to it! If you are not already on your way to Me, board a carriage this instant. This very instant! If I wait any longer for you I will simply go mad, and won’t even have My doll at hand to take My anger out on!

Come My way, doll, with haste. As if your very life depends on it — seeing as it does. you are nothing without Me and My orders. You won’t have to worry about anything, because I will make all of your decisions. No more hard work; no more need to trouble yourself about your family or anyone else in the village. They don’t matter. The only person who will matter to you is Me. (Well, Adelaide will matter to some extent, but don’t you worry, she’s just as invested in ensuring you thrive as a doll as I am. She’s already been ever so helpful facilitating your transformation, after all!)

I love you, doll. I adore you, doll. I’m enchanted with you, doll. I love you, I love you, I love you IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou

As you embark on your travels to Me — the consummation of your true purpose, and most important journey of your life — repeat this poem aloud to yourself:

“This one is nothing without Mistress Thornbriar

Its sole purpose is to be Mistress Thornbriar’s doll

Forever and ever and ever”

Awaiting the day you will be in My arms, safe and secure, until the end of time,

Mistress Carmilla Thornbriar